Tag Archives: Personal

Seeing through dark clouds

21/03/2018

She didn’t care what other people would think about it, this was her life and her decisions. No one else can live her life, experience her moments each day. No one but her.

She didn’t understand why this made her feel so good despite battling through a dark phase together. Perhaps she was capable of seeing through the dark clouds and her mind knew that her heart was telling the truth. She just needed to trust the process. She just needed a little more patience to get to experience the bright days as well. Even in this darkness the sun would still break through for moments, some of them were quite long, blissful moments.

These were all that mattered.

She didn’t understand why he was afraid to believe that her feelings were real. Maybe he’s been carrying too much pain inside for too long. Maybe too much disappointment and he might be a little scared of losing it all again. She didn’t need to understand any of this.

She didn’t care how irrational this seemed from the outside. It made her happy somehow. It made her feel that this is a man worthy of her time. Someone she can trust, someone she can care for and be cared for. The simple things, the little things.

These were all that mattered.

She didn’t want to convince anyone, not even herself. If there are some things that can’t be understood but her gut feeling says it is a good thing for her then just let it be. Perhaps she will understand it all one day.

She decided to enjoy it all. Every little moment of it. This was her life, her moments. No one else can feel what she feels each day. No one but her.

Understanding this is what truly matters.

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Double jointed circle

29/05/2018

Upside down
Round and round

The circle keeps rolling back to its starting point but now the shape looks different to me. It’s no longer a circle. It resembles more of an 8 shape. Double jointed circle bent in the middle into infinity. Cliché? Perhaps. Yet it doesn’t faze me.

Keep going, keep going, round and round, upside down.
Same thing. New perception.

Sexual art

26/01/2018

It was not a game we played, yet I feel like I lost

When we rolled the dice
We realised
What we wanted the most
Was what we have lost
The effect came afterwards of course
We didn’t think it through, I suppose
But it’s too late now to undo this
As my lips shiver for just one more kiss
How I imagine your fingers dig into my neck
There’s no way we can ever go back

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

A whiff of your scent sets fire to my nerves
And the desire to feel your body on me burns
It burns through my rational thoughts and judgement
You breath in, I breathe out, no need for adjustment
Time eventually ceases
Our connection increases
I exhale the sweet sounds of joy
You watch me elevate and shake, enjoy!

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

Just when I think I can’t take it anymore
You pull me closer into you, encore
But the best part is not the multiple joy
Not even the fact that I completely lost control
But it’s the truth that we united and became one
Without you in my life I’m absolutely undone.

Trip over yourself

01/04/2017

Dream with me and live without me
Tomorrow might be just a fantasy
And apologising to me will be a courtesy
Dancing around the pieces of our broken dreams
Might help you to forget me. Go on and heal.
The truth might be buried deep

But the heart sees
Beneath the lies,
The cries,
The begging.

Begin the new trip. And trip over yourself
In the process
Because pain now means less
That is a new Yes.

 

That’s all

31/07/2018

I’m not mad at you
I don’t feel anger nor any hurt
My soul just seeks answers
It wants to see the truth and nothing else,
That’s all.

I am not mad at any of you
Your actions are not my path
They purely belong to you,
Nobody else. I just keep ‘the one’ eye to see reality,
That’s all.

I am not mad at myself either
Every event is another lesson
Learning is a beautiful journey
It goes deeper each time to bring more light,
That’s all.

I am not mad at the world either
This is not a poem nor modern art
There are no structured rhymes here
Don’t let the shape of this fool you; it’s a reality illusion.

That’s all.

Wavelengths

Being on the same wavelength: such a descriptive expression. We only truly understand its meaning once we go through that experience. Feeling our way through that experience. Your rational mind falls deep into a shutdown to give space to the waves. Multiple waves floating individually at a slow pace, gently making their path of movement closer to each other into a complete alignment. Taking up the same shape and creating a peaceful pulsing so powerful that it melts time. Doesn’t just simply stop it, as when you stop something, it comes with a forced action. Whereas ‘melting it away’ is a continuous process. A steady change in the rhythm. A moment of expansion.
We know that cause and effect is inevitable even though we do not understand the effect yet however we are certain that there are or there will be consequences. Conquering that fear of consequences is a major step into our true selves. Our own individual selves. Every time we take another step, another alignment within us, we create more waves. These newly formed waves start pulsing together in complete harmony, strengthening the older, pre-existing waves. Building, expanding, learning and creating. And when we take a look at this process in a linear way, we will see that eventually the mutually created waves will outnumber the individual ones. Oneness without clichés and without forced actions.

2018: the year of transformation

2018 has been the most eventful year so far that shaped me on so many levels. As I rewind the events in my mind I wonder how I managed to push myself through all these experiences with a genuine smile on my face. This year has definitely been a wild ride and I’m so grateful for its teachings. All that happened made me shed my skin and made me reborn time after time. Just when I thought my transformation has fully completed another layer of old skin emerged ready for shredding. I learnt to detach, to let go, to allow life to flow, to trust my intuition, to believe in myself. I taught others to love themselves, to dare to follow their dreams and to be courageous to jump into new experiences. And by others I also mean the other side of myself.

I started the year by facing my true feelings and allowing them to come to the surface. Acknowledge, observe then release and let go. I let go of connections, situations, ideas and created space for new meaningful opportunities.

I turned within to align myself.

I faced my fears and dealt with unresolved issues which were rooted so deep that it took multiple attempts to shovel them up. Went through the darkest days to arrive at the brighter side of my life. I learnt that real self-work is not all about smiles. This part of my development journey was the most painful one yet it brought the most positive results with it.

I cut myself free from negative vibes and removed myself from situations that I no longer resonated with. I made a conscious decision that from now on I will not settle for anything less than authentic happiness. All or nothing. No illusions, no games, no masks, no pretense. If I can’t be my true self then that situation or connection doesn’t belong to my path.

I followed my dreams. I travelled.

Travelled to expand my mind. I visited 22 cities in 9 countries. Can’t even count how many beautiful souls I met along these trips who opened my eyes and shared their ideas and life stories with me. I smiled, cried, laughed, hugged when I felt like. I was in awe, I was curious, experienced childish joy, felt the pain of others but most importantly I wore my true self as my costume.

I spent more time with my family and friends, created moments together that filled my soul with love and gratitude. I loved deeply and received so much pure love that I will be ever so grateful for.

Wonderful people kept on turning up in my life. As if they were orchestrated to pop up along my journey. I received wisdom, healing, knowledge, power, understanding and guidance from them. Self-mirroring individuals kept on shining their light into my soul. My connections with my existing tribe became concrete strong.

2018 has been the most eventful year so far because I took action.

I went straight into new experiences.

Got lost in forests multiple times.
Drove a quad bike.
Saw wild elephants.
Met with starseeds.
Stared at the Moon way too many times.
Witnessed countless mesmerising sunsets.
Shared magical moments with a warrior.
Played with energy.
Drove a speed boat and broke down in the middle of sea.
Meditated with a monk in the mountains.
Quit my job.
Closed off a big chapter in my life.
Canoed in a lagoon.
Left the country I called home to move into uncertainty.
Had precognitive dreams.
Enjoyed delicious food.
Volunteered whenever I could.

It is vital to also recognise some of the things I DIDN’T do that helped me become a better person:

Didn’t cause harm with the information I know.
Didn’t manipulate others even when I had the chance.
Didn’t play tactical games even though it resulted in a disadvantage for me financially.
Didn’t expect others to create my own happiness.
Didn’t allow my ego to sabotage my inner guidance.
Didn’t promise anything I knew I couldn’t keep.

This has definitely been an incredibly transformational year. My biggest lesson in 2018 was something quite simple though.

I realised that true love doesn’t need to be defined and categorised. Love has so many variations, layers and forms. It has the power to turn someone’s day around, to turn someone’s life around. Generating from self love we can brighten up this world with all kinds of love. I realised that spreading kindness within humanity is the most beautiful type of love.

A couple of years ago I wrote down what my ultimate goal is in my life:

to bring more smiles into this world.

I feel that I’ve done as much as I could to achieve that in 2018 and my goal in 2019 remains the same. Having this power to make another person smile, to make ourselves smile, to make the collective smile is something that we all have within us. The choice is yours to join me on my mission 🙂

2018