Unspoken words rushing through my entire being. I feel them exploding letter by letter as they travel through all parts of my body. They are making my muscles twitch, my spine strengthen up, my skin itching and my breathing to become shallow.
Exhale. Breath out these unspoken words, just let it all out without having to form a whisper. In-out. In-out. I am fully alive with the newly recognised truth that has been burning inside me for centuries, seeking a way to erupt. And when the explosion of truth happened, what’s next? I’m thinking again but this time it’s not “me” thinking. It’s everything I know is thinking all together, in a peaceful harmony.
Breathing in the unspoken words, listening to the sound of uniting. Breathing out the forgotten memories, listening to the sound of recognition. In-out. In-out.
Unleashed secrets that were supposed to be found. Just exhale that last letter, let it out then let it go to where it belongs. Out.
I started my day telling myself that today I will remember who I am. I know who I am and who I was. I will remember what I truly want. All day I was full of energy, I managed to get done what I usually would in 2-3 days (work-wise). Then at the end of my working day I felt a little mentally drained but I was still buzzing. Feeling calm and content. When I came home, I poured myself a glass of wine to enjoy it in my little garden while writing about my future, finalising my life goals. That’s when it hit me. Hard.
A roller-coaster of emotions. As I was forming each letter with my pen, I started remembering feelings. Excitement, disappointment, pain, hope, gratitude, extreme joyous happiness. Empathy for everything. Calmness. I grabbed another notebook to write about this intense experience. But how do I express such magnificent emotions? I simply can’t shove them into words and sentences.
It feels like if a tall building has just collapsed and the pieces have fallen into their “right” place. They created a brand new building that is so ancient at the same time, I’ve been looking at it for centuries. I lived inside this building, I just haven’t recognised it until now. From the deepest parts of my heart, I wish you dear reader to find your old-new building as well. The fact that you are reading this is already evidence that you are on the right path to discover it.
Throw away all the directions you’ve been given by others. No one else can lead you to this place. With that said, remain faithful. Have faith in yourself, your instincts, that feeling in your gut. Don’t chase it though. It will chase you instead when you’re ready and truly want it. I am now holding the key to the front door, so I say let’s step inside, shall we?
There are some days when you wake up in the morning and you feel like you’re ready to take on the world, to do something different, to stand in front of the mirror and smile until your face hurts. I woke up like this today.
The best part of when this happens is that there is no specific reason behind this emotion. You feel alive and genuinely happy and content with EVERYTHING. Accepting the little things and the big things in your everyday life, realising that you’re a magnificent and amazing human being. Understanding that you are so ridiculously lucky to be alive, to be part of this fantastic experience called Life. Appreciating all the events that are happening to you. Feeling grateful for being able to breathe, to see the colours around you, to stand on your own feet, to hear your friends and family talking to you. Sometimes you need to stop and realise that all the things that you take for granted might seem like a massive gift to others or even an impossible dream to have.
So I challenge you my friend: take a few moments and count your blessings. What do you have that money can’t buy? Because it is the cliché as it is: happiness does NOT come from the things you buy, it is simply enjoying what you already have: your physical and emotional abilities, the wonderful people around you and the yet unknown opportunities that lie in front of you. Be present and love your life the way it is. Let go of your past. Everything else will unfold and fall into its place, I promise.
I never planned this to happen. Didn’t even imagine or wanted it to go this way and even as it started happening I was still running away from it. Why? I just didn’t believe that this could turn into something so real. All I wanted was one night of passionate fun. Pure physical satisfaction. Exactly one year ago that’s what I thought would happen: spending one night with you and waving you goodbye in the morning with post-sex messed up hair.
Instead, I found someone who makes me feel alive, who I crave from the deepest parts of my soul. Someone who makes me smile when I see his name pop up on my phone’s screen. Someone whom I have fallen madly in love with for the way he is without wanting to change anything about him. This whole thing feels so natural, comfortable, so relaxing yet very exciting.
I’m generally not a romantic kind of girl but somehow you make me want to tell you just how much you mean to me. How I can’t imagine spending a day without writing you ‘bongu’ or call you a ‘mignun’ at least once a day. Let me try to explain myself a bit better: it’s like I was running around at a high speed, aimlessly without a destination in my mind when suddenly you held my hand that made me come to a full stop. It wasn’t just me who stopped. Every time you kiss me or look into my eyes, I forget that there is a whole world around us. You made the Universe stop. And I can’t imagine doing anything better than standing still with you, holding your hand while the rest of the world is running around in chaos. I know we didn’t arrive to this place in a simple or traditional way but guess what? I think that’s what I like the most. Against all the odds we still arrived here.
I’m so grateful that this didn’t go as I originally planned it. Thank you for being as amazing as you are.
December is the month when suddenly a lot more people start thinking about how their life is planning out. Strangely as we flip to the last page of the calendar our conscious thinking seems to wake up. A dose of espresso shot to our mind.
What is it with the end of the year that makes us reflect on our life and behaviour? We care more about the people we love and starting to form big dreams for the following year. Is it the fear of something ending? The fact that life is changing purely because we need to change one digit when writing today’s date? It’s interesting that most of us are programmed this way. That we feel that ending something is so terrifying. We fear it. What have I achieved? What am I grateful for? If that’s all that is, the end of a time measuring unit then why don’t we do reflect on ourselves at the end of each month / week/ day then? I can’t be the only one who reflects on life, my achievements, goals and desires more than once a year. To feel thankful for the wonderful people in my life.
If you ever make a New Year’s resolution then why not make it this one: be more conscious about what you want and say thank you more often for the little things that you take for granted.
I am grateful for the way my life is unfolding in front of my eyes day by day and I am thankful for having a loving family, friendships that are rock solid and a boyfriend who brings the best out of me without even trying.