Category Archives: consciousness

Time

18.12.2019

Time was not supposed to go this way
Behind the veil you know that it’s astray
Those countless times, could you really ever count them?
Twice the pleasure but how many times the truth: 8-9 or 10?
When you grasp the reality that comes with an expiration date
And no matter how much you fight it, you can’t escape your fate

This might feel a bit too dark so maybe I should stop

Stop showing you that you need to embrace the darkness
Because without it you can never see the brightness
Shining through the black background. That’s how you see the light.
Light up my face
When you embrace
Your hidden parts
Are divisions of art.
Articulate your desires in life
It just might
Bring it to surface
And you can surf through this.

This whole experience called life
Will show you what you’re really about.

So how did we end up here analysing our actions?
Starting to feel so deep about the consequences of life’s fractions
Maybe we are just too out of this world to explain our feelings
And restricted by words to tell everyone the real meaning.
I don’t mean to annoy you with my thoughts
And there are so many of us
Feeling the same way
When we say mayday.

Where is the rescue to save us from our visions?
To keep us grounded in our ambitious missions?

Time was not supposed to go this way
Behind the veil you know that it’s astray
We are impatient because we feel the change knocking on our doors
And we’re not sure who will fight with us during these upcoming wars.

Sent Away/ Liah's secret

14.02.2019

Sometimes I wonder if he knows the truth about me. His snarky comebacks make me question my ability of keeping my secret hidden. Buried deep within my soul and thoughts. My brother can never find out that I am one of them. For his own sake. It would only be fuel to fire. Brian is already known for his short temper and rebellious attitude. I’m terrified to even imagine what he would do if he knew I am a Hybrid. A voluntary Hybrid actually.

I wanted to make a change, I felt an urge to save our dying, overpopulated planet. When I pressed the ‘send’ button of my application for becoming a Change Leader, I swallowed down my fears. I knew that I can never reveal my true identity. 6 years ago when I volunteered, the ‘1/24’ rule was already in place for a decade which meant all humans of Earth had to carry out at least 1 good deed every 24 hours. Either towards another human or to the environment.

Humanity has long been lost on our overcrowded planet. As a Change Leader my mission is to help bring humanity and humility back while getting rid of the ‘unwanted characters’. Those humans who don’t commit to daily good deeds are not wanted here anymore. There are too many of us and not enough resources and supplies. We simply make sure that people care a bit more. If not then they get sent away from Earth for good. They become the ‘Unwanted’. We do give them 3 chances though before they are removed from this planet but I will tell you about the whole process a little bit later. First let me introduce myself. (I probably should have done this already, excuse my manners).

My name is Liah, a voluntary Hybrid and Change Leader. And this is my story about how I made a big fuck up in the system that caused the first murder committed by a non-human. So much for making a change.

She saw the truth

15.08.2019

She wanted to run towards her shadow. She wanted to run straight through it, to be able to finally see it behind her. She wanted it so badly that she failed to realise just how absurd this plan was. She ran, she jumped, she crawled, she tip-toed, yet it was always unreachable. Untouchable. It was part of her and wherever she went it was attached to her. The only time she came close to conquer this mystical shadow of herself was in the darkness. No Moonlight, no lamps, no candles just pure blackness. She didn’t see it, wherever she looked. At first, it didn’t matter to her that she saw nothing else either. Yet deep down within herself she knew it was still there, with her. She could feel it.

There’s something you need to know about her.

Not succeeding at getting what she set her mind on was her biggest dislike. Her determination was dangerously dancing across the lines of stubbornness. She truly believed that our limits were meant to be pushed and extended.

So when she couldn’t see her shadow in the darkness, she instinctively wanted to check off this task in her mind as a successful completion. Then in that exact moment the heavy clouds of the night sky suddenly moved along uncovering the bright Moon and all the shadows that came with it. She looked up with a frown on her face and then she saw it. That luminous lonely star slapped onto the black skyline shining its way through the darkness. Who knows how many light years away from her, it was somehow smirking down at her.

There is one more thing you need to know about her.

Just as much she disliked not succeeding, just as much she adored the sparkly stars of the Universe.

She wanted to run away from her own shadow, her own darkness, when she realised it was the same darkness that made it possible for her to see the beauty of the night sky light up. That one star in particular she saw that night.

She saw the light within the darkness.

She saw the truth.

Book in progress: All roads lead to Ohm

Chapter III

Recap of past years

Looking back on my last few years, even I feel a little surprised how much happened to me. I went through so many experiences and my life changed so often that most people don’t experience this much change in an entire lifetime. While I was in the middle of the process of each situation that was shaping the path of my life, I didn’t realise just how transformational these events were. We need to stop every once in a while to evaluate what we went through and how we improved or what we achieved.


I used to have a tendency to not recognise my own success, to not pat myself on the back occasionally. It didn’t feel right for me to do that. I didn’t want to put myself on the pedestal as I was constantly fighting against my ego and I was consciously trying to dissociate from it, to shatter it into pieces. Once I understood that our ego needs to be understood and managed, not completely destroyed, I realised that I didn’t give myself enough credit. I didn’t know my real worth, I repeatedly ‘undersold’ myself. Knowing your worth and the value you can bring is vital in every area of your life. Be it a job, a relationship or a social commitment, you need to understand where you can position yourself. Not from a superficial point of view as in how others see you and what you portray yourself as but to fully understand where you are standing along your journey. How much knowledge you have, how much value you can add and how you can serve best.


At the end of the day, if you live your life to the full then it’s all about service. That doesn’t mean you need to be in a subordinate role, no not at all. Serving others, serving a community, serving a cause and most importantly serving to fulfil your own desires. These are the things that matter. Either from a business point of view or a personal inspiration, prioritising the service aspect of the process, you will achieve long-lasting results. For example, a business that truly puts customer satisfaction first will thrive within its competition as it will have happy customers who will not only return for more business but will also recommend the service or product happily to others. But hold on for a second, I got a bit side tracked with my story. I wanted to share with you how much happened to me in these past few years, that triggered my need for becoming ‘homeless’ for a while. To have no fixed address and just to go with the flow of life for a while. How I went from having the perfect life (on paper) to living out of a backpack because of that one thought on 4th April 2018. I was a CEO of a start company, I was living in a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment on my own, driving a BMW, ate in restaurants pretty much every day or had my food prepared and delivered to me, had some really good friends yet one day I said I’m not happy and threw my lifestyle away to seek some kind of meaning.


I was looking for some sort of revelation, a lesson, the ultimate purpose.

I was not happy with the ‘successful’ life that so many people only dream about. I had it all laid out in front of me yet it was not enough for some reason. It was lacking a mission, a purpose: what do I leave behind? What do I contribute? How do I inspire? How am I making this world a little bit better? My mind and soul were seeking answers, searching for something. Even I wasn’t sure what it was I was seeking. I just knew I had to change. I wanted to go into the opposite direction and start looking for something that I didn’t know what it was.

What I could call this ‘living in the jungle’ experience?

I’m struggling to match my thoughts with my emotions. It seems that the past few months of this whirlwind event-chain has now calmed down and it’s trying to find a place to rest. And that place is seeking a title, a name, a short description. I don’t know which shelf to put it on, it needs a whole new cupboard, a whole new room actually. These past 8 months have been incredibly life shaping for me. Especially the second half of this period was what drove me forward before it broke me down and shattered me to pieces. I needed to hit ground zero to realise what it is that I truly wanted in life. I got exactly what I asked for and what I wanted to experience. Yet when I think back I’m struggling to accurately express what I just went through emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I ran away from success to be in uncertainty and ended up living in the middle of the jungle in Sri Lanka with a man who used to serve in the French legion and woke up each morning to the sound of monkeys jumping on our roof.

Bizarre. This word doesn’t even come close to describing those months. Did I have an amazing experience? For sure. Was I really happy? Definitely not. It was a time of transformation and inner work. Real self-development doesn’t come with smiling faces and constant bliss. It means digging deep within yourself, finding your hidden fears and your buried ‘whys’ for your emotional reactions. And when you find them, you have the choice to either look them in the eye and go straight into those fears or you can find another excuse to quietly cover them up with something else to keep peace. You can easily guess which option I chose. So I shattered myself in the middle of the jungle. Looking back, I believe it was a good environment to carry out this exercise, even though it didn’t always feel that way. Whilst there, I felt that I disconnected from myself, that I lost my way somehow while all I wanted to do was to find my real path. Oh, the irony. Life truly has a great sense of humour.

8 months of searching and realigning. Once my mind had an ‘upgrade’ it only took me 1 week to shift gears and change directions. I knew it was the start of a new chapter which meant closing down old patterns and making space for new beginnings. I re-evaluated my principles and priorities. I came up with new goals and visions, but most of all I felt that I came back to myself as an improved version of me.

So even though I’m still struggling to match my thoughts with my emotions I’m certain that this is the aftermath of this significant experience I just went through. Just as the whole journey didn’t make sense while I was experiencing it and the full picture cleared out once I closed down the chapter, it is very likely that my current emotional state will make sense to me a little bit later. And with that thought I put my mind at rest and will stop thinking about what I could call this.

**********

This is a snippet from my upcoming book: All roads lead to Ohm.
I aim to inspire others by sharing not only my eventful stories but life experiences of real characters whom agreed to share the raw, unedited truth.

Sexual art

26/01/2018

It was not a game we played, yet I feel like I lost

When we rolled the dice
We realised
What we wanted the most
Was what we have lost
The effect came afterwards of course
We didn’t think it through, I suppose
But it’s too late now to undo this
As my lips shiver for just one more kiss
How I imagine your fingers dig into my neck
There’s no way we can ever go back

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

A whiff of your scent sets fire to my nerves
And the desire to feel your body on me burns
It burns through my rational thoughts and judgement
You breath in, I breathe out, no need for adjustment
Time eventually ceases
Our connection increases
I exhale the sweet sounds of joy
You watch me elevate and shake, enjoy!

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

Just when I think I can’t take it anymore
You pull me closer into you, encore
But the best part is not the multiple joy
Not even the fact that I completely lost control
But it’s the truth that we united and became one
Without you in my life I’m absolutely undone.

Still shedding

03/12/2018

How do we realise that we’re going through a changing process? When does it switch on in our mind that this is it, something going on right now? Until this moment, I never managed to grab onto the process and consciously enjoy the ride. I only noticed the changes within me after they took place and settled. But right now, I’m fully aware of the fact that something deep within me is turning. Like an ancient wooden wheel being steered into a different angle. It’s not a smooth movement. It’s making a crackling sound, gets stiff every now and then and it needs a harder push to change its position.

I believe in something, I speak it as my truth, yet I have an internal battle when it comes to action time. I’m shedding my old skin, the very same skin I firmly believed I shed already. Yet it’s still stuck on me. Ripping it off bit by bit is a painful process but it needs to be done. What’s emerging underneath is still unknown to me. Endless number of questions are swirling inside my head, around my soul and within my heart. How do I bring them into one clear focus point? I’m not sure. I just have to trust the process. To know, deep within, that the answers will arrive I’m ready, when I need them. Until then I let go of doubts and fear. I go straight through this terrifying experience and embrace the uncertainty. I feel that I started walking my true path even though I don’t see the road yet.