Tag Archives: inner work

She saw the truth

15.08.2019

She wanted to run towards her shadow. She wanted to run straight through it, to be able to finally see it behind her. She wanted it so badly that she failed to realise just how absurd this plan was. She ran, she jumped, she crawled, she tip-toed, yet it was always unreachable. Untouchable. It was part of her and wherever she went it was attached to her. The only time she came close to conquer this mystical shadow of herself was in the darkness. No Moonlight, no lamps, no candles just pure blackness. She didn’t see it, wherever she looked. At first, it didn’t matter to her that she saw nothing else either. Yet deep down within herself she knew it was still there, with her. She could feel it.

There’s something you need to know about her.

Not succeeding at getting what she set her mind on was her biggest dislike. Her determination was dangerously dancing across the lines of stubbornness. She truly believed that our limits were meant to be pushed and extended.

So when she couldn’t see her shadow in the darkness, she instinctively wanted to check off this task in her mind as a successful completion. Then in that exact moment the heavy clouds of the night sky suddenly moved along uncovering the bright Moon and all the shadows that came with it. She looked up with a frown on her face and then she saw it. That luminous lonely star slapped onto the black skyline shining its way through the darkness. Who knows how many light years away from her, it was somehow smirking down at her.

There is one more thing you need to know about her.

Just as much she disliked not succeeding, just as much she adored the sparkly stars of the Universe.

She wanted to run away from her own shadow, her own darkness, when she realised it was the same darkness that made it possible for her to see the beauty of the night sky light up. That one star in particular she saw that night.

She saw the light within the darkness.

She saw the truth.

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Still shedding

03/12/2018

How do we realise that we’re going through a changing process? When does it switch on in our mind that this is it, something going on right now? Until this moment, I never managed to grab onto the process and consciously enjoy the ride. I only noticed the changes within me after they took place and settled. But right now, I’m fully aware of the fact that something deep within me is turning. Like an ancient wooden wheel being steered into a different angle. It’s not a smooth movement. It’s making a crackling sound, gets stiff every now and then and it needs a harder push to change its position.

I believe in something, I speak it as my truth, yet I have an internal battle when it comes to action time. I’m shedding my old skin, the very same skin I firmly believed I shed already. Yet it’s still stuck on me. Ripping it off bit by bit is a painful process but it needs to be done. What’s emerging underneath is still unknown to me. Endless number of questions are swirling inside my head, around my soul and within my heart. How do I bring them into one clear focus point? I’m not sure. I just have to trust the process. To know, deep within, that the answers will arrive I’m ready, when I need them. Until then I let go of doubts and fear. I go straight through this terrifying experience and embrace the uncertainty. I feel that I started walking my true path even though I don’t see the road yet.

2018: the year of transformation

2018 has been the most eventful year so far that shaped me on so many levels. As I rewind the events in my mind I wonder how I managed to push myself through all these experiences with a genuine smile on my face. This year has definitely been a wild ride and I’m so grateful for its teachings. All that happened made me shed my skin and made me reborn time after time. Just when I thought my transformation has fully completed another layer of old skin emerged ready for shredding. I learnt to detach, to let go, to allow life to flow, to trust my intuition, to believe in myself. I taught others to love themselves, to dare to follow their dreams and to be courageous to jump into new experiences. And by others I also mean the other side of myself.

I started the year by facing my true feelings and allowing them to come to the surface. Acknowledge, observe then release and let go. I let go of connections, situations, ideas and created space for new meaningful opportunities.

I turned within to align myself.

I faced my fears and dealt with unresolved issues which were rooted so deep that it took multiple attempts to shovel them up. Went through the darkest days to arrive at the brighter side of my life. I learnt that real self-work is not all about smiles. This part of my development journey was the most painful one yet it brought the most positive results with it.

I cut myself free from negative vibes and removed myself from situations that I no longer resonated with. I made a conscious decision that from now on I will not settle for anything less than authentic happiness. All or nothing. No illusions, no games, no masks, no pretense. If I can’t be my true self then that situation or connection doesn’t belong to my path.

I followed my dreams. I travelled.

Travelled to expand my mind. I visited 22 cities in 9 countries. Can’t even count how many beautiful souls I met along these trips who opened my eyes and shared their ideas and life stories with me. I smiled, cried, laughed, hugged when I felt like. I was in awe, I was curious, experienced childish joy, felt the pain of others but most importantly I wore my true self as my costume.

I spent more time with my family and friends, created moments together that filled my soul with love and gratitude. I loved deeply and received so much pure love that I will be ever so grateful for.

Wonderful people kept on turning up in my life. As if they were orchestrated to pop up along my journey. I received wisdom, healing, knowledge, power, understanding and guidance from them. Self-mirroring individuals kept on shining their light into my soul. My connections with my existing tribe became concrete strong.

2018 has been the most eventful year so far because I took action.

I went straight into new experiences.

Got lost in forests multiple times.
Drove a quad bike.
Saw wild elephants.
Met with starseeds.
Stared at the Moon way too many times.
Witnessed countless mesmerising sunsets.
Shared magical moments with a warrior.
Played with energy.
Drove a speed boat and broke down in the middle of sea.
Meditated with a monk in the mountains.
Quit my job.
Closed off a big chapter in my life.
Canoed in a lagoon.
Left the country I called home to move into uncertainty.
Had precognitive dreams.
Enjoyed delicious food.
Volunteered whenever I could.

It is vital to also recognise some of the things I DIDN’T do that helped me become a better person:

Didn’t cause harm with the information I know.
Didn’t manipulate others even when I had the chance.
Didn’t play tactical games even though it resulted in a disadvantage for me financially.
Didn’t expect others to create my own happiness.
Didn’t allow my ego to sabotage my inner guidance.
Didn’t promise anything I knew I couldn’t keep.

This has definitely been an incredibly transformational year. My biggest lesson in 2018 was something quite simple though.

I realised that true love doesn’t need to be defined and categorised. Love has so many variations, layers and forms. It has the power to turn someone’s day around, to turn someone’s life around. Generating from self love we can brighten up this world with all kinds of love. I realised that spreading kindness within humanity is the most beautiful type of love.

A couple of years ago I wrote down what my ultimate goal is in my life:

to bring more smiles into this world.

I feel that I’ve done as much as I could to achieve that in 2018 and my goal in 2019 remains the same. Having this power to make another person smile, to make ourselves smile, to make the collective smile is something that we all have within us. The choice is yours to join me on my mission 🙂

2018