Category Archives: Personal

She saw the truth

15.08.2019

She wanted to run towards her shadow. She wanted to run straight through it, to be able to finally see it behind her. She wanted it so badly that she failed to realise just how absurd this plan was. She ran, she jumped, she crawled, she tip-toed, yet it was always unreachable. Untouchable. It was part of her and wherever she went it was attached to her. The only time she came close to conquer this mystical shadow of herself was in the darkness. No Moonlight, no lamps, no candles just pure blackness. She didn’t see it, wherever she looked. At first, it didn’t matter to her that she saw nothing else either. Yet deep down within herself she knew it was still there, with her. She could feel it.

There’s something you need to know about her.

Not succeeding at getting what she set her mind on was her biggest dislike. Her determination was dangerously dancing across the lines of stubbornness. She truly believed that our limits were meant to be pushed and extended.

So when she couldn’t see her shadow in the darkness, she instinctively wanted to check off this task in her mind as a successful completion. Then in that exact moment the heavy clouds of the night sky suddenly moved along uncovering the bright Moon and all the shadows that came with it. She looked up with a frown on her face and then she saw it. That luminous lonely star slapped onto the black skyline shining its way through the darkness. Who knows how many light years away from her, it was somehow smirking down at her.

There is one more thing you need to know about her.

Just as much she disliked not succeeding, just as much she adored the sparkly stars of the Universe.

She wanted to run away from her own shadow, her own darkness, when she realised it was the same darkness that made it possible for her to see the beauty of the night sky light up. That one star in particular she saw that night.

She saw the light within the darkness.

She saw the truth.

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Book in progress: All roads lead to Ohm

Chapter III

Recap of past years

Looking back on my last few years, even I feel a little surprised how much happened to me. I went through so many experiences and my life changed so often that most people don’t experience this much change in an entire lifetime. While I was in the middle of the process of each situation that was shaping the path of my life, I didn’t realise just how transformational these events were. We need to stop every once in a while to evaluate what we went through and how we improved or what we achieved.


I used to have a tendency to not recognise my own success, to not pat myself on the back occasionally. It didn’t feel right for me to do that. I didn’t want to put myself on the pedestal as I was constantly fighting against my ego and I was consciously trying to dissociate from it, to shatter it into pieces. Once I understood that our ego needs to be understood and managed, not completely destroyed, I realised that I didn’t give myself enough credit. I didn’t know my real worth, I repeatedly ‘undersold’ myself. Knowing your worth and the value you can bring is vital in every area of your life. Be it a job, a relationship or a social commitment, you need to understand where you can position yourself. Not from a superficial point of view as in how others see you and what you portray yourself as but to fully understand where you are standing along your journey. How much knowledge you have, how much value you can add and how you can serve best.


At the end of the day, if you live your life to the full then it’s all about service. That doesn’t mean you need to be in a subordinate role, no not at all. Serving others, serving a community, serving a cause and most importantly serving to fulfil your own desires. These are the things that matter. Either from a business point of view or a personal inspiration, prioritising the service aspect of the process, you will achieve long-lasting results. For example, a business that truly puts customer satisfaction first will thrive within its competition as it will have happy customers who will not only return for more business but will also recommend the service or product happily to others. But hold on for a second, I got a bit side tracked with my story. I wanted to share with you how much happened to me in these past few years, that triggered my need for becoming ‘homeless’ for a while. To have no fixed address and just to go with the flow of life for a while. How I went from having the perfect life (on paper) to living out of a backpack because of that one thought on 4th April 2018. I was a CEO of a start company, I was living in a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment on my own, driving a BMW, ate in restaurants pretty much every day or had my food prepared and delivered to me, had some really good friends yet one day I said I’m not happy and threw my lifestyle away to seek some kind of meaning.


I was looking for some sort of revelation, a lesson, the ultimate purpose.

I was not happy with the ‘successful’ life that so many people only dream about. I had it all laid out in front of me yet it was not enough for some reason. It was lacking a mission, a purpose: what do I leave behind? What do I contribute? How do I inspire? How am I making this world a little bit better? My mind and soul were seeking answers, searching for something. Even I wasn’t sure what it was I was seeking. I just knew I had to change. I wanted to go into the opposite direction and start looking for something that I didn’t know what it was.

Superficial illusion

22/ 04/2019

You think I need the superficial
For my loyalty to become official
You think that you amaze me with stories
of brands and luxury but they just bored me
I never needed any of that
And every time you did that,
My lips just frowned uncontrollably.
That sad second influenced this poetry
Reflection. Realisation. Sobering.

The times you really made my soul smile
Were when you put on a vulnerable style
When you showed me your insecurities and pain
Your real desires for happiness you couldn’t attain

Those gentle touches on my shoulder to make sure I was not cold again
Those sacrifices to see me smile and not have a reason to complain

When you gave me (without asking) the last piece of chocolate
When you showed me your favourite songs under the blanket
When you thanked me for taking the seeds out of the watermelon
When we quietly watched cartoons and laughed in perfect unison
When you asked me how I could be so patient with you and your concern
When you told me you exactly knew I’m not getting enough back in return

Then the structure shifted.
Then you would say something superficial again. You got stuck in your past.
You kept on reminiscing of how you once lived.
None of that impressed me.
I didn’t care about the photos of expensive cars and watches.
I cared more about your photos of silly faces.
This is obviously not a poem as you can see.
Don’t let the structure fool you.

It’s just a superficial illusion, nothing else.
Mostly what this whole life-sharing experience meant to you.
So that in a few years, when I’m established,
You can say that you lived together with this girl.
To me it meant a whole lot more. I gave you my authentic self.
I showed you my hidden parts and I loved you deeply.
I played no games, no tactics, no illusions.
I truly loved you. All of you. The real you, behind the superficial illusion.
I wish you nothing else but to learn to love yourself the way I did.
Behind the scenes, away from the stories. For who you really are.

Because you are wonderful.

Seeing through dark clouds

21/03/2018

She didn’t care what other people would think about it, this was her life and her decisions. No one else can live her life, experience her moments each day. No one but her.

She didn’t understand why this made her feel so good despite battling through a dark phase together. Perhaps she was capable of seeing through the dark clouds and her mind knew that her heart was telling the truth. She just needed to trust the process. She just needed a little more patience to get to experience the bright days as well. Even in this darkness the sun would still break through for moments, some of them were quite long, blissful moments.

These were all that mattered.

She didn’t understand why he was afraid to believe that her feelings were real. Maybe he’s been carrying too much pain inside for too long. Maybe too much disappointment and he might be a little scared of losing it all again. She didn’t need to understand any of this.

She didn’t care how irrational this seemed from the outside. It made her happy somehow. It made her feel that this is a man worthy of her time. Someone she can trust, someone she can care for and be cared for. The simple things, the little things.

These were all that mattered.

She didn’t want to convince anyone, not even herself. If there are some things that can’t be understood but her gut feeling says it is a good thing for her then just let it be. Perhaps she will understand it all one day.

She decided to enjoy it all. Every little moment of it. This was her life, her moments. No one else can feel what she feels each day. No one but her.

Understanding this is what truly matters.

Double jointed circle

29/05/2018

Upside down
Round and round

The circle keeps rolling back to its starting point but now the shape looks different to me. It’s no longer a circle. It resembles more of an 8 shape. Double jointed circle bent in the middle into infinity. Cliché? Perhaps. Yet it doesn’t faze me.

Keep going, keep going, round and round, upside down.
Same thing. New perception.

Sexual art

26/01/2018

It was not a game we played, yet I feel like I lost

When we rolled the dice
We realised
What we wanted the most
Was what we have lost
The effect came afterwards of course
We didn’t think it through, I suppose
But it’s too late now to undo this
As my lips shiver for just one more kiss
How I imagine your fingers dig into my neck
There’s no way we can ever go back

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

A whiff of your scent sets fire to my nerves
And the desire to feel your body on me burns
It burns through my rational thoughts and judgement
You breath in, I breathe out, no need for adjustment
Time eventually ceases
Our connection increases
I exhale the sweet sounds of joy
You watch me elevate and shake, enjoy!

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

Just when I think I can’t take it anymore
You pull me closer into you, encore
But the best part is not the multiple joy
Not even the fact that I completely lost control
But it’s the truth that we united and became one
Without you in my life I’m absolutely undone.

Trip over yourself

01/04/2017

Dream with me and live without me
Tomorrow might be just a fantasy
And apologising to me will be a courtesy
Dancing around the pieces of our broken dreams
Might help you to forget me. Go on and heal.
The truth might be buried deep

But the heart sees
Beneath the lies,
The cries,
The begging.

Begin the new trip. And trip over yourself
In the process
Because pain now means less
That is a new Yes.