I’m trying to decide whether to go with a deep, philosophical angle here or pure emotions. My intuition whispers to me softly to choose feelings right now. Those little fractions of our souls, that spark up our days. Or dim them.
“Dim them” – as this rolls off my lips, it has that low frequency feeling to it. Especially when you say it slowly. Dim. Them. Kind of like those sound effects in movies when something drastically is about to happen.
OK, so this is why my intuition gently shoved me towards emotions. To start deeply feeling my words. When you’re a communicator and words are your ammunition, you have a major responsibility to carry. How you put things into perspective can create a spark or a dimming motion.
When you form sentences, you are playing with light. The choice is always there to use language for darkening or lightening up your surroundings. Language is a pulsating burst of energy. It can heal or destroy. And the impact of that energy relies on a 2-fold system:
how the speaker decides to use it
how the listener decides to intercept it
But let’s roll back to emotions for a second before my philosophical mind completely takes over.
Words can make you feel things on levels that you didn’t even know existed. You don’t understand why you feel suddenly so energised and joyous when someone tells you how much they appreciate your efforts. You also wonder when the heavy emotions start swirling around in you when you hear the disappointment in your loved one’s voice.
This is why it’s important to choose your words carefully. Not only do they have an emotional impact on others around you but they also influence how you feel after they swoosh out of your mouth.
Remember, you are playing with light when you think, speak and write. What will you choose to become next time? The lighthouse or the darkness that surrounds it?
Are you also a lightworker ready to make a positive impact?
You’re not alone. There are many of us out there following our internal calling to help humanity evolve and to make our world a better place. Join this revolution and turn your calling into a fulfilling career.
In a leap year, I leapt into my destiny. Out of everything, I chose to jump right into that one. It started at the very beginning of that year. I rolled into 2020 with a deep trance-like state. As champagne glasses were jingling together at midnight in other homes in Barcelona, I was lying on my back in my bed alone. Physically at least.
Exactly one year before that night, I was debating inside my soul where to allow life to take me next. I had just returned from Sri Lanka after saying goodbye to my accelerator island, Malta. My home for 4 years. On that night, sitting on my sister’s oversized sofa, I pondered. Why do I feel this unanswered question trying to carve a way out of my whole being? Sitting inside this German small town flat, I looked at my sister and her fiance. Doozy eyes were glancing back at me, not truly understanding that feeling that decided to take over my facial expressions. I’m sure they knew that something ‘strange’ was going on with me. I just simply couldn’t express it properly. Not to them, not even to myself.
The feelings of self-discovery and purpose-hunting (yes, this is an actual feeling) took over my soul entirely. I had to go somewhere, be somewhere, flow somewhere. And leave something behind.
Shedding my skin wasn’t a new process to me. I already had so many layers of old patterns, misbeliefs, bad conditions ripped away from my mind, soul and body. You can’t count them on one hand. Infinity shedding? Is that what this life is really about? Let’s not go down that other carving question for now. Let’s keep this story about leaping into destiny.
I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes in my bed on the last night of 2019 in that buzzing Spanish city. I wanted to hear my higher-self whisper ‘happy new year’ to me that day. I swooshed into a deep meditative state as I let my muscles relax from my little toe to the top of my always-wondering head. Somehow I knew, that moment there would be one of the catalysts to my spiritual expansion within the emotional field.
Emotions have been my stumbling blocks for quite some time actually. I had this ongoing lesson about feeling my way through things until I finally started to get it. To get softer. To become the light in between the hidden cliffs. To become the nurturing character in all areas of my life, not just in business. That meant shedding my old skin of the ‘strong woman’. Oh, the painful ripping of that layer of old patterns. There was no longer this masculine lady who would burst out in an angry monologue about what women should really do and how it had been so overdue to rise up, speak up, act up. What was beneath that old skin, was this caring woman who wanted to share her energy with another soul whom she knew for centuries. So as I closed my eyes to start meditating myself into 2020, I felt this eruption of acceptance and joy spreading through my cells.
I was ready to step into the gates of my destiny. I was given a choice to leap or flow slowly. I didn’t hesitate. With a sharp turn, I walked away from flowing. I wanted the speed, the thrill, the explosion of experiences. And I wanted them to circle around two aspects of my life: career and relationships. I got more than what I expected for both. Life led me down a path that was ending at the door of destiny for both of these. I was already past the gates, now it was the doors that I had to bust through. With a heartful kick, I first kicked down the career door. I finally felt the courage to start my own business instead of waiting around to feel ready. Fire came back into my soul as soon as I gave my attention and love to mind my own business. I brought myself to the forefront. The raw and real self that had been carving those questions in my whole being for years. But what happened next was not what I expected at all.
I imagined my career would magically transform and I’d become a spiritual entrepreneur overnight. My days would be mainly filled with business activities and smashing it out there. Instead, I ended up saying yes to a random road trip with my friends in mid-February. Honestly, how could I have known that that road was also leading me to my destiny? All I wanted was a quick break from spending 10+ hours on my laptop trying to change the world. And then it happened. It was another level of manifesting. The second I heard his voice, something shook in me. A buried part of my soul just got abruptly woken up and started screaming at me: it’s him! There he is! I shushed that voice. No, not now, I’m only here to take a break. I wasn’t looking for this. Maybe not consciously but a deep part of my heart knew that my manifestation was just about to burst open in front of my eyes in this tiny seaside town on the east coast of Spain.
How could I have known that the next morning I would wake up in the arms of this soul-feeder? Nevertheless, I did. I woke up next to him and today, 2 years later, I’m grateful that I chose the leap route. So whatever gates you stand in front of, know this: it’s worth to leap.
Digging up my roots with my ten fingers Facing the past with a new set of eyes Why do we keep forcing open the lid of our past When we know it will not bring anything that will last
Connecting with our roots is still significant Is it why we keep pursuing getting certificates? Or are we just trying to make sense of the mess? That surrounds us and makes us restless
Dig up your roots Harvest the fruits Dig up your roots Till there are no disputes Dig up your roots Harvest the fruits Till there are no disputes Dig up your roots Get your salutes
When you understand the affect of your past And realise how much it made you last To survive through your vital years without fears And to never wonder when the end was near But do you know where it also held you back? Your roots trying to tie you down to the facts
Keeping your potential under a certain line To make sure you really believe in the universal lie The lie that says you’re not good enough Even though you are actually really tough Tough enough to dig up your roots And to kick negativity out of your life with your boots
Dig up your roots Harvest the fruits Dig up your roots Till there are no disputes Dig up your roots Harvest the fruits Till there are no disputes Dig up your roots Get your salutes
I have some peak periods when I invest more time into connecting to my higher self and tapping into our collective source. These experiences are often overwhelming and they usually result in an information overload. During one of these peak periods in early 2020, I received the following information. It took me over a year to be ready to share it and release it to the public. Curious to hear your intuitive thoughts on this, so here it goes.
Earth is a filter, a purification system to cleanse energy. A portal. There are many other places within the Universe that has similar functions. Earth is like the third eye / ajna chakra of the Universe this is why it is so important that we look after her otherwise it creates a shift within the Galactic balance.
Energy is sent to Earth from the cosmic/collective consciousness / oneness. From the source that keeps our Universe in a constant spinning motion (like a perpetual toy). Purified energy leaves Earth which contributes to the healthy maintenance of collective consciousness. To keep it as pure as possible. Similar to a water filter system. Energy is sent here in a condensed format (solid matter = human bodies, animals, plants, rivers, oceans, mountains etc).
Within each cycle, this energy becomes clarified, cleansed, improved, strengthened, “polished up”, brightened, lightened, purified. The intensity of the purification varies depending on the originating source of the energy that was sent here, the size of that “ball” of energy, the colour/shade of the light.
From a human perspective, our life experiences and life lessons are the tools to purify and cleanse this energy.
For some people this process is more intense depending on the type of energy they carry within themselves. If for example, a human body is “loaded” with a larger amount of brighter type of energy then the purification will be more intense as the energy will endure that level of intensity. This translates to challenging or eventful physical lives, experiences, most likely a stronger connection to higher consciousness, to spirituality, philosophy and science. The truth lies within the mixture of wisdom.
Mathematical, artistic, philosophic and biologic elements meet within the concept of spirituality. Perfectly orchestrated events are pure mathematics, formulas and repeating patters / cycles. We need a sense of spirituality however to recognise these patterns and we need an understanding of science and philosophy to put it into perspective. An artistic approach is required to be able to feel and connect with our own energy and the source of energy. Art is a reminder of our true form: energy. Art is also needed to be able to interpret symbolism that is surrounding us, constantly pointing us to see the forgotten truth. These symbols can be remembered/re-learned through evaluating poetry, through musical notes, colours and patterns in paintings, through the power of words and expression of the self through different personas.
There are 5 pillars to understand and to remember:
The creative arts are the key to connect to ourselves.
Science is the tool to understand patterns, cycles and the importance of numbers
Philosophy is a constant reminder for us that we need to seek answers
Biology is essential to understand the concept of how the condensed energy can function: within our physical bodies and in nature
Spirituality is the vehicle to drive home the truth. Through spiritual awakening will we start looking for more answers, craving experiences that cannot be explained by the rational mind that is responsible for maintaining the biological vehicle.
This was the heavy download I received over a year ago and reading it back now, it makes more sense to me than it initially. I would love to hear your own experiences and your own ‘downloads’ as well, feel free to share them with me.
We are halfway through our mandatory isolated state in Spain. All of us started to realise, that it is very likely to be extended, yet for now we don’t want to allow that thought slowly creeping into our minds. We are halfway through it, that’s what is in focus.
You somehow get used to the surreal reality. You learn how to swap certain things in life that previously we haven’t even noticed that were choices.
You will instinctively swap:
Smiling at blurry faces looking back at you through the screens of your devices instead of rolling your eyes at people.
Throwing virtual kisses towards your camera instead of feeling the warmth of your loved ones’ skins.
Eagerly waiting to watch people walk alone past your balcony with their grocery shopping bags instead of getting annoyed at a group of teenagers being loud while having fun at the restaurant across the street.
Browsing through a multitude of face mask types on Amazon in all different styles instead of clicking through cute dresses, shoes and cool T-shirts.
Cooking your dinner with the type of pasta that was actually available in the supermarket instead of deciding to choose between five brands of fusilli.
Organising with excitement an evening of sharing some wine and giggles with your friends via video chat instead of arguing which bar is too far, to crowded , too something.
Scrolling through your old photos and reminiscing about your travels, feeling grateful that you got to visit those amazing places instead of complaining how some cities have lost their authentic touch due to over-tourism.
Ending your messages with “stay healthy” instead of “have fun”.
Day 15. I simply can’t describe with words how much I miss nature, to sit under a tree, to walk along the beach, to hike through muddy rocks in a forest. How I miss giving a long hug to someone, to get cosy being wrapped around someone’s arms, to touch an arm, to hold a hand, to absorb the warmth of a gaze.
Those of you, who are able to still enjoy any of these things, I urge you: make them count and cherish them. These are the little things that make us human, that fill us up with undervalued joy that becomes our fuel. Instead of complaining that you are stuck with your loved ones, just imagine for a moment, how much you would miss their entire being, even including the little annoying habits that might be driving you a bit crazy right now.
Day 15. Now as I’m sitting on my balcony on this sunny, delightful Sunday, with the smell of spring in the air in Barcelona, I simply can’t resist anymore. This unconquerable urge to join these people on their supermarket trips, passing by my balcony, strictly walking alone adhering to the rules. I will make sure I pick a supermarket as my destination that is at least 20 minute walk from my home, to be able to soak up as much of the outside world on this beautiful Sunday in Spain.
Learn to swap seeing fear with noticing beauty in the little things around us. Learn to swap the feeling of uncertainty with an opportunity to reflect and re-align yourself. Learn to swap your mindset.
“As long as your mind is free, your spirit is strong.”
This was the sentence that made my mind shift back into positivity during these strange times we are experiencing globally right now. This simple yet powerful advice came from someone who spent a substantial amount of time in confinement, most of it in a maximum security prison.
I asked him to share his experience in light of our current situation and by sharing some of his story, maybe we can find some answers how to cope. He also reminds us that even though we are quarantined we still have small liberties; we have technology and the internet to entertain ourselves, to keep our minds occupied and to stay connected to our loved ones.
We might be physically confined but the most important thing is: not to be confined mentally. Having some of our freedom suddenly being taken away from us can definitely take its toll on our mental health. I wondered how this compares to being incarcerated?
DOES THIS COVID-19 LOCK DOWN HAVE SIMILAR EFFECTS ON OUR MENTAL HEALTH AS BEING LOCKED UP?
I decided to ask this from someone, let’s call him Diego, who had spent a significant amount of time in confinement, majority of it being in a maximum security prison. Since he finished his sentence, he started a new life and left his old ways behind him to appreciate the second chance that life threw him.
I was curious to find out two things:
What advice can he give to people during these times to keep our mind strong and healthy?
What is that one thing he learnt to appreciate when he got his freedom back?
First thing that became very quickly clear to me was that no, our current lock down is not even half as bad as being completely deprived from all the important things in life: speaking to our loved ones, having our meals when we want to, being able to go for that walk to the supermarket whenever we need to. Being able to open our front door when we feel like, that freedom of movement we still have to take care of our essential needs.
As Diego explains, most people have never been confined of their freedom so it’s a lot harder to deal with it as compared to someone who has been conditioned from a young age and became prepared for it mentally. Also someone who is more of a social, extrovert character, who needs regular social interaction in life, can find this situation even more challenging than how it really is. So as a side note, think about those people in your lives who are extroverts and maybe give them a call a few times in these coming weeks.
It was interesting to hear some of Diego’s tips on how he kept his mind sane while also improving on his own self-development during his time in confinement. For us, during our quarantines these tips and advice can come in useful especially if you feel like that your mental state and emotions are already going through a roller coaster. For me personally, it definitely has been the case and I’m only on my 10th (or 11th?) day of our lock down here in Barcelona.
You will need to train yourself to have some self-discipline.
Introducing a new routine, a new schedule will give you some certainty during these uncertain times. It creates a structure in your mind.
To stay mentally strong:
“I practised a lot of discipline, I meditated, I worked out. You have to make a schedule right around your circumstances. What you create is a program, you’re programming yourself.”
“I used to be a very disciplined individual to withstand and outlast my conditions of confinement. I read a lot and the books that I read were the tools for me to be able to withstand anything mentally.”
How your mindset effects your physical health:
“Of course, none of us like to be confined but it’s either you remain strong mentally or you don’t but then you break mentally. And then you end up having all these other mental handicaps that could probably lead you to your demise. Anxiety, is one of the main ones and from anxiety you will build panic attacks and from panic attacks it could lead to health conditions.
Once your mental state is broken and your spirit is done then your physical well-being will go after it.”
Learning to appreciate what’s important in life:
“What I appreciate in life is the small things, the joys. Health, freedom, those are the things to me that mean the most. Family, love. Everything else can come and go. Money comes and goes, success comes and goes but as long as you have what you stand on, what you believe in, and at the end of the day you have the ones that you love and then you love yourself, that’s what matters the most.”
“During our last conversation when we met for a coffee, I told you how grateful I am and how I’m not in the pursuit so much of being successful financially. Because I’m so grateful being free. I was disciplined and confined for so long and I even confined myself in a way of restricting myself of pleasure. I would do that purposely to become strong mentally. Like I would fast or would limit myself from being able to eat things like chocolate and stuff like that, that could bring small joys. Because if you don’t have something, you don’t want something then you don’t miss it”
I wondered by facing all these restrictions to our freedom through this lock down, has triggered any past traumas for him. Has it brought back some of those negatives memories, emotions or flashbacks?
“So far, I’m dealing with it quite well, it hasn’t triggered anything but then again I’ve been out of that situation for quite a long time. And I understand that this is for my own well-being and for humanity as well. Being a caring person, I don’t want to put other people at risk or myself at risk so you know, I have to be a law abiding citizen.”
If someone who had spent a tremendous amount of time being locked up in prison can understand how important it is to stay at home and complies with the lock down rules, then so can you. You really have no excuse.
Passionate motivator on a mission to help people turn their spiritual calling into their careers. Currently living in Barcelona after having called the following countries here home: Hungary, UK, Malta and Sri Lanka. Brainfused is her platform to translate some of her deep rooted thoughts into the shape of words.
I loved so many times in so many different ways. I loved until it hurt, I loved until it shone, I loved until I travelled to different dimensions, I loved until I went back to the past, I loved until I smiled, I loved until I remembered, I loved until I hoped, I loved until it went quiet, I loved until it went loud and I loved until I loved myself. And now I just love. I love everything and everyone, I love the joy, I love the pain, I love the light, I love the dark.
I love all parts of me which are all of you around me. I love the doubting thoughts in my mind and the reassuring mantras that spread calmness all over my being. I love how your voice takes over my whole existence, my breathing, my heartbeat, my belief system.
I love how you, out of this big crowd became a singular beam of energy. I don’t love all of these things because of you, but with you in my light and my shadow, I learnt to love all of this around me even more. You are my amplifier. Because of you, I sharpened my vision, I enhanced the exposure, I coloured in the grey areas.
My mission with you is clear to me: to show you how magnificent you are, how powerful and ancient you are but most importantly to just let you be. It’s not my task to show you any of this, my task is to be there with you, supporting you on your journey while you realise this. To create a home for you and me where we can take a relaxed breath from all of our missions in life. I want to give you roots, give stability and the safety of home.
How ironic is that we feel more connected to humanity by being isolated from one another? The little things in life that we took for granted now really teach us their true value. A walk along the beach or in the park, the hugs from your loved ones living abroad, the excitement of planning a weekend getaway. It never crossed our minds that these could be luxuries.
It’s only been 7 days for me since I’ve been in complete lock down and the first few days were actually a bliss like for so many of you as well probably. We could enjoy a bit of calmness in the madness, especially if we live in a city that usually would be bursting with life. For me, that’s Barcelona. But all we see now is empty streets and we started to recognise some familiar faces on the balconies across the street from us. We started waving over to those people during our morning coffees or throwing them a smile while another neighbour is entertaining us with some music to keep our spirits up. Or when we are clapping in unison at 20:00 sharp every evening to show our gratitude to all the incredible people working around the clock in health care, trying their best to safe as many lives as possible.
But as soon as we retreat from our balconies or windows, we are left with our own realities. Either you are sharing your 24 hours inside those walls with your family or living completely alone, it does take a toll on your mental state. It stirs your soul up. It makes you question everything in your life, all of your priorities, all of your time you have been dedicating to something.
Does any of that truly matter? What are those moments that now you realise that you honestly cherish? What are those little life-snippets that make you feel that are creating some kind of value, some kind of meaning?
You start reaching out to people you haven’t talked to for a while, you start reading those books that have been collecting dust on the shelves, you start opening that expensive bottle of wine you’ve been saving up for a special occasion. You suddenly start expressing gratitude to those people that connected with you and showed you something positive, that taught you something meaningful, that stood by you during your darkest days.
This global quarantine is no longer about just putting people into isolation who might be infected with this coronavirus / COVID-19 whatever you want to call it. We are creating a whole different meaning to that state, what this quarantine really means and what it brings out of us.
I see the light and positivity in all this devastating times. I see people reconnecting with themselves, I see people telling their close ones how much they love them, I see people being more compassionate, more helpful, more humane. I see people trying their best to form communities, to strengthen their existing tribes, to care for each other. We needed to be isolated, quarantined to feel more connected than ever before. That’s the biggest quarantine irony and it is the best way to experience this together. Not in fear, not in worrying and not panicking. But by being there for each other, keep lifting each other up, shining a bit of happiness in others’ lives whenever we can.
I encourage all of you to use this strange time to become more connected. We are in this together and remember, this is temporary. It will pass and once we are on the other side, we will have a much different community, society and overall system. We will rebuild our economies together but most importantly we will rebuild ourselves together. We are all one. This is the time to really put that into practice.
So keep smiling at your neighbours, keep entertaining people around you, keep that light shining.
I’m on a mission to build a community, to help people who are working within the spiritual, esoteric and holistic industries reach their potential by truly focusing on their spiritual calling and turning that into their vocation. Learn for free how to start to turn your spiritual mission into your career.
Time was not supposed to go this way Behind the veil you know that it’s astray Those countless times, could you really ever count them? Twice the pleasure but how many times the truth: 8-9 or 10? When you grasp the reality that comes with an expiration date And no matter how much you fight it, you can’t escape your fate
This might feel a bit too dark so maybe I should stop
Stop showing you that you need to embrace the darkness Because without it you can never see the brightness Shining through the black background. That’s how you see the light. Light up my face When you embrace Your hidden parts Are divisions of art. Articulate your desires in life It just might Bring it to surface And you can surf through this.
This whole experience called life Will show you what you’re really about.
So how did we end up here analysing our actions? Starting to feel so deep about the consequences of life’s fractions Maybe we are just too out of this world to explain our feelings And restricted by words to tell everyone the real meaning. I don’t mean to annoy you with my thoughts And there are so many of us Feeling the same way When we say mayday.
Where is the rescue to save us from our visions? To keep us grounded in our ambitious missions?
Time was not supposed to go this way Behind the veil you know that it’s astray We are impatient because we feel the change knocking on our doors And we’re not sure who will fight with us during these upcoming wars.
So many thoughts are swirling around within a pool of heavy emotions within me. How can something get rooted so deep inside your soul in such a short amount of time?
I guess you had no idea just how deep those roots really were. I can’t blame you, I’m not exactly vocal when expressing my feelings. But my emotions were there for you to see: when I closed my mouth and just listened for hours to absorb some of your pain. When I opened my mouth and told you how powerful your soul is and how much potential you truly have. When I got un-comfy just to get you a glass of water because that was what you needed. When I covered you in a blanket when you were fast asleep already with the AC still on. When I watched those documentaries with you to try to understand you better. When I took a backseat to let you be in control. Those were the moments that made my soul light up, that made my heart shimmer and made my mind stop.
I guess you had no idea just how much I really enjoyed our philosophical debates. When you set my brain on fire, you made me feel alive and more attracted to you than you could ever imagine. I felt your intelligence making its way through my bloodstream making my heart pump faster. Those were the moments when I felt the closest to the raw you.
I guess you had no idea how impatiently I was counting down the hours to be spending time with you. To do nothing in particular but just to feel your energy. Just to play with your hand between my fingers or to get lost for a moment in your gaze.
I guess you also had no idea how much I struggled to make this work. How much pain you caused me while pushing me away unintentionally. How many chances I had given this to work is beyond my rational mind. That’s how I knew that my feelings were truly real and raw. They conquered my logic countless times. Shutting me out from your vulnerable space made me feel that I was not worthy for you to enter that sacred place. Slipping back into your bad habits made me question if we are ever going to get really aligned. Were we even looking into the same direction? I’ll never know. What I do know is that these few months have shaped my life and despite the pain, I also got a different level of caring from you. I’ll be ever so grateful for those moments.
I guess I had to experience multiple heartbreaks with you in such a short amount of time to love you even deeper. And to eventually to love me even deeper. To realise that when two people love each other that might not be all what it takes to build a healthy partnership.
So J, what you meant to me was something I’ve never had before. Something so strange, so intense, so painful, so full of drama and so fiery. So satisfying yet so not enough. So ambivalent and so confusing.
When I walked away from you for the last time I was hurt but mostly I was angry at myself that I let you make me feel worthless. The way you talked to me was not something I could shove into one of those ‘guess you had no idea’ boxes.