Sent Away / Brian’s race for life

Breathe. Just breathe. Slooooower. Wait. Exhale. OK. My fingers are not tingling anymore. Breathe. Focus. There’s a tree in front of that glass door. That will do. Branches, leaves, one, two, three…ahhh too many. Focus. Branches: one, two, three. It goes all the way to the top of the glass door. What are those stains on it? It could use a good cleaning. Cleaning! I left the dishes in the sink without rinsing them. It will be a nightmare scrubbing off the dried out tomato sauce. A nightmare? Come on, man…scrubbing dirty dishes is no nightmare. THIS is! Oh my God, how am I going to get there?

Breathe, breathe. Shit, my chest tightens up again. Tree, branches: one, two, three, four. This one has hardly any leaves. How many? Two, four, six, eight, nine, ten, eleven, thirteen, fifteen. Fifteen. OK. Now maybe I can stand up. Let’s give it another go. My wrist is sort of shaking as I push my hand to the ground trying to shift my body’s weight on one side and give it a little bounce up from this damp wooden crate. I force my thoughts not to question how much of the liquid seeped through my pores. It takes great effort not doing all the maths in my head: how many hours have I left to live? 12 tops, in best case. Ssshhhh. Do not calculate! Focus. Fifteen leaves, ignore the trembling muscles, get up now! Got it.

A rush of achievement runs through me. Who would have thought only one day ago that I’ll be doing a celebratory dance in my mind for being able to stand up. Fuck me. How did this happen? A guy like me celebrates when you trick the checkpoint scanner validating your tracker with yesterday’s date. Oh wait, I forgot to mention a couple of things.

Fact #1:
I’m a bit of a rebel. Can’t help it. I broke the rules of the system twice already. So now I have to validate my whereabouts daily at least once with these scanning gates. I just call them checkpoints. What can I do? It is what it is, so at least let’s make it fun like a car racing game or something.

Fact #2:
I’m very good at hacking their technology. Unbelievably good. Haha! Just by adding a little bit of extra lines of code to my tracker, I can backdate my scanning. If I missed one day, who cares? Tomorrow I’ll scan myself and their data will show that I did it the day before as well.

Now, the slightly problematic Fact #3:
When they figure out that you played the system, shit gets real. They track you down (see why they named it the tracker?), lock you inside a wooden box and pour this slimy blue liquid on you for a few hours. I haven’t figured out yet what the hell is in it but they refer to it as the Bluelightenment. Some call it Bluewash, like an ocean coloured brainwash. It’s supposed to slowly make its way into your body, to your bloodstream then to your nervous system. And then bamm, their magic happens and suddenly you never want to break any of their rules again. How? Goodbye to rebellious thoughts, goodbye to questioning anything and most disturbingly goodbye to your memories. You simply cease to exist as an individual with all the life experiences. So my heart may not physically stop within the next 12 hours but life as I know it will end.

Now, what should I do to make the most of these 12 hours? But first of all, where is the nearest checkpoint?

Advertisements

Happiness really is an inside job

You wanted me to go for my dreams.

You pushed me to have faith in myself.

When I doubted myself you reminded me what I’m capable of.

When I felt confused you calmed me down and taught me that life is perfectly fine as it is unfolding in front of my eyes.

You encouraged me to never give up, to get up when I fell and you gave me strength to walk with more confidence.

It’s because of you that I accepted my faults and learnt to face my fears.

You were the one who showed me strength by being vulnerable.

You made me realise who I really am with masks off. You helped me love the unmasked person.

When I felt that my world had been shattered into a thousand pieces, you were there to pick them up piece by piece.

You: my true and authentic self who has always been there to guide me.

 

Happiness really comes from within. Listening to our gut feeling, inner voice or whatever you want to call it. Shredding away the false layers of myself lead me to a state to realise this.

Trust your own vision, your own message and give yourself some genuine love. Life will do the rest.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Random encounters to inspire us

I mentioned this before that being able to inspire another human being is what keeps me all fuelled up (read more about it here). However we all need to be inspired by others as well especially on days when perhaps it takes greater effort to stay positive and motivated. We all have our own down days / dark days / low days whatever you prefer to call them, and all it matters is how you pull yourself through them. It’s ok to feel this way every now and then and what I learnt is to not beat myself up for feeling this way occasionally. They say, a rainbow comes after a storm and it’s time to accept that sometimes we need to go through that storm.

The difference is though how we go through it: do we make a conscious decision that ‘ok I need this right now to learn and develop’ or do we just let it drag us down? It only depends on your attitude, nobody else’s. And the funniest thing is if you choose the first option then somehow you’ll always end up with some guidance, you just need to trust your gut instinct and pay attention to what’s really happening around you.

Inspiration can come in many forms. Either you read about someone who seems to have their shit together (excuse my language) or it seems to be a random encounter. I had one of these ‘random’ encounters with Mateo Melichar, founder of Fit Budd. Against all odds we met, had a meaningful conversation that lead to a friendship where we constantly motivate and inspire each other. Because we’re not in each others’ daily lives we can genuinely give each other more unbiased advice. We see things from the outside point of view which is exactly what is needed to be able to give a kick in the butt and make us reflect on our own actions and visions.

I encourage you to find such a connection, a mentorship, a friendship, whatever you want to call it. Get yourself surrounded with people who inspire you and you can inspire to. It’s fantastic to have your close circle of your own support system and if you can add at least one person to that who will be able to give you some ‘no bullshit’ advice then do it.

From my personal experience all I can say that this kind of connection is priceless. Pushing each other to achieve our greatest potential is a gift that I never knew I needed. Find that friend, that honest voice, that consultant, that inspiration.

The truth hurts

The truth hurts. We heard this phrase so many times but did we really pay attention to it? Why does the truth hurt? Why does it have to hurt? If we could live in a way when we are not pretending, not wearing masks, would the truth still hurt?

This is not a modern day expression so that brings me to a conclusion that the truth has always been hidden somehow. Shielded from the masses, buried deep within luminescent caves inside us. Yes, inside us. You read that right. When something hurts it’s because we associate it with ourselves. We take it personal. All we can think of is “that’s not fair” or “that’s not right” or “why me”. Oh, if I hear one more person crying out loud one more time “why me” I seriously need to resists laughing out loud and not hurt their feelings.

It took me a lot of effort and countless of self-analysis sessions to realise this: being untruthful makes me sick, not just to my stomach (that’s another expression I could analyse for hours) but to my whole being. I cannot pretend, I cannot play along, I just simply cannot act that it’s ok to accept illusions. Somehow my eyes opened and what I see sends me into a ‘question everything’ state. 80 – 90% of what surrounds me is pure bullshit. Excuse my language, but I’ve had enough.

I want to see people for who they are. Not who they portray to be. I want to be able to show my own real face to the world more often. This truth, that burns within us will erupt eventually one by one. And then how much of it will hurt for those who live in a fake reality? Who knows… but I’m certain that I can’t keep smiling at the face of illusion anymore.

Complete equality

Instead of a long inspirational message to women this year, I’m speaking to men on International Women’s Day. Why? Because so many women have already woken up my friends and they’re doing their thing: being outspoken, achieving their goals and dealing with everyday sexism without whinging. Simply we’re getting on with what we want and dusting off our shoulders after facing challenges. Keep on going ladies!

Dear men,

I’m grateful to those of you who treat a person as another human being despite their gender. Those of you who are not afraid to speak up when sexism takes place. Those of you who raise your daughters making sure she can become whoever she wants to be, encouraging her to get her full potential. Those of you who stand by your sisters and mothers to get their voices heard. Those men who are capable of adapting to change and realise that for a very long time women were repressed. They have started to rise only 100 years ago. That’s not a very long time considering that we’re writing 2018…I’m thankful that there is a change taking place and I can live in an era to be part of it. As this change is still ongoing and even though we have come a long way there’s still plenty of space for improvement.

Complete equality means to me, personally, that we all get to play this game, called life, with the same opportunities no matter what your gender is. No anger towards each other but instead why not collaborate and lift each other up? Who cares what was the ‘norm’ for men and for women?

I say, every living person should have the freedom to do what they want. Doesn’t matter what that is and whether you’re a woman or a man. We need to have the freedom of choice to decide how we want to live our lives. Excuse my language but fuck gender associated ‘norms’! Go get out there and do your best based on what YOU want. And that’s that.