Tag Archives: life

leap: how to have faith in yourself to make life happen for you

Leap

In a leap year, I leapt into my destiny. Out of everything, I chose to jump right into that one.
It started at the very beginning of that year. I rolled into 2020 with a deep trance-like state. As champagne glasses were jingling together at midnight in other homes in Barcelona, I was lying on my back in my bed alone. Physically at least.

Exactly one year before that night, I was debating inside my soul where to allow life to take me next. I had just returned from Sri Lanka after saying goodbye to my accelerator island, Malta. My home for 4 years. On that night, sitting on my sister’s oversized sofa, I pondered. Why do I feel this unanswered question trying to carve a way out of my whole being? Sitting inside this German small town flat, I looked at my sister and her fiance. Doozy eyes were glancing back at me, not truly understanding that feeling that decided to take over my facial expressions. I’m sure they knew that something ‘strange’ was going on with me. I just simply couldn’t express it properly. Not to them, not even to myself.

The feelings of self-discovery and purpose-hunting (yes, this is an actual feeling) took over my soul entirely. I had to go somewhere, be somewhere, flow somewhere. And leave something behind.

Shedding my skin wasn’t a new process to me. I already had so many layers of old patterns, misbeliefs, bad conditions ripped away from my mind, soul and body. You can’t count them on one hand. Infinity shedding? Is that what this life is really about? Let’s not go down that other carving question for now. Let’s keep this story about leaping into destiny.

I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes in my bed on the last night of 2019 in that buzzing Spanish city. I wanted to hear my higher-self whisper ‘happy new year’ to me that day. I swooshed into a deep meditative state as I let my muscles relax from my little toe to the top of my always-wondering head. Somehow I knew, that moment there would be one of the catalysts to my spiritual expansion within the emotional field.

Emotions have been my stumbling blocks for quite some time actually. I had this ongoing lesson about feeling my way through things until I finally started to get it. To get softer. To become the light in between the hidden cliffs. To become the nurturing character in all areas of my life, not just in business. That meant shedding my old skin of the ‘strong woman’. Oh, the painful ripping of that layer of old patterns. There was no longer this masculine lady who would burst out in an angry monologue about what women should really do and how it had been so overdue to rise up, speak up, act up. What was beneath that old skin, was this caring woman who wanted to share her energy with another soul whom she knew for centuries. So as I closed my eyes to start meditating myself into 2020, I felt this eruption of acceptance and joy spreading through my cells.

I was ready to step into the gates of my destiny. I was given a choice to leap or flow slowly. I didn’t hesitate. With a sharp turn, I walked away from flowing. I wanted the speed, the thrill, the explosion of experiences. And I wanted them to circle around two aspects of my life: career and relationships. I got more than what I expected for both. Life led me down a path that was ending at the door of destiny for both of these. I was already past the gates, now it was the doors that I had to bust through. With a heartful kick, I first kicked down the career door. I finally felt the courage to start my own business instead of waiting around to feel ready. Fire came back into my soul as soon as I gave my attention and love to mind my own business. I brought myself to the forefront. The raw and real self that had been carving those questions in my whole being for years. But what happened next was not what I expected at all.

I imagined my career would magically transform and I’d become a spiritual entrepreneur overnight. My days would be mainly filled with business activities and smashing it out there. Instead, I ended up saying yes to a random road trip with my friends in mid-February. Honestly, how could I have known that that road was also leading me to my destiny? All I wanted was a quick break from spending 10+ hours on my laptop trying to change the world. And then it happened. It was another level of manifesting. The second I heard his voice, something shook in me. A buried part of my soul just got abruptly woken up and started screaming at me: it’s him! There he is! I shushed that voice. No, not now, I’m only here to take a break. I wasn’t looking for this. Maybe not consciously but a deep part of my heart knew that my manifestation was just about to burst open in front of my eyes in this tiny seaside town on the east coast of Spain.

How could I have known that the next morning I would wake up in the arms of this soul-feeder? Nevertheless, I did. I woke up next to him and today, 2 years later, I’m grateful that I chose the leap route. So whatever gates you stand in front of, know this: it’s worth to leap.

Roots

16th April 2021

Digging up my roots with my ten fingers
Facing the past with a new set of eyes
Why do we keep forcing open the lid of our past
When we know it will not bring anything that will last

Connecting with our roots is still significant
Is it why we keep pursuing getting certificates?
Or are we just trying to make sense of the mess?
That surrounds us and makes us restless

Dig up your roots
Harvest the fruits
Dig up your roots
Till there are no disputes
Dig up your roots
Harvest the fruits
Till there are no disputes
Dig up your roots
Get your salutes

When you understand the affect of your past
And realise how much it made you last
To survive through your vital years without fears
And to never wonder when the end was near
But do you know where it also held you back?
Your roots trying to tie you down to the facts


Keeping your potential under a certain line
To make sure you really believe in the universal lie
The lie that says you’re not good enough
Even though you are actually really tough
Tough enough to dig up your roots
And to kick negativity out of your life with your boots

Dig up your roots
Harvest the fruits
Dig up your roots
Till there are no disputes
Dig up your roots
Harvest the fruits
Till there are no disputes
Dig up your roots
Get your salutes

Book in progress: All roads lead to Ohm

Chapter III

Recap of past years

Looking back on my last few years, even I feel a little surprised how much happened to me. I went through so many experiences and my life changed so often that most people don’t experience this much change in an entire lifetime. While I was in the middle of the process of each situation that was shaping the path of my life, I didn’t realise just how transformational these events were. We need to stop every once in a while to evaluate what we went through and how we improved or what we achieved.


I used to have a tendency to not recognise my own success, to not pat myself on the back occasionally. It didn’t feel right for me to do that. I didn’t want to put myself on the pedestal as I was constantly fighting against my ego and I was consciously trying to dissociate from it, to shatter it into pieces. Once I understood that our ego needs to be understood and managed, not completely destroyed, I realised that I didn’t give myself enough credit. I didn’t know my real worth, I repeatedly ‘undersold’ myself. Knowing your worth and the value you can bring is vital in every area of your life. Be it a job, a relationship or a social commitment, you need to understand where you can position yourself. Not from a superficial point of view as in how others see you and what you portray yourself as but to fully understand where you are standing along your journey. How much knowledge you have, how much value you can add and how you can serve best.


At the end of the day, if you live your life to the full then it’s all about service. That doesn’t mean you need to be in a subordinate role, no not at all. Serving others, serving a community, serving a cause and most importantly serving to fulfil your own desires. These are the things that matter. Either from a business point of view or a personal inspiration, prioritising the service aspect of the process, you will achieve long-lasting results. For example, a business that truly puts customer satisfaction first will thrive within its competition as it will have happy customers who will not only return for more business but will also recommend the service or product happily to others. But hold on for a second, I got a bit side tracked with my story. I wanted to share with you how much happened to me in these past few years, that triggered my need for becoming ‘homeless’ for a while. To have no fixed address and just to go with the flow of life for a while. How I went from having the perfect life (on paper) to living out of a backpack because of that one thought on 4th April 2018. I was a CEO of a start company, I was living in a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment on my own, driving a BMW, ate in restaurants pretty much every day or had my food prepared and delivered to me, had some really good friends yet one day I said I’m not happy and threw my lifestyle away to seek some kind of meaning.


I was looking for some sort of revelation, a lesson, the ultimate purpose.

I was not happy with the ‘successful’ life that so many people only dream about. I had it all laid out in front of me yet it was not enough for some reason. It was lacking a mission, a purpose: what do I leave behind? What do I contribute? How do I inspire? How am I making this world a little bit better? My mind and soul were seeking answers, searching for something. Even I wasn’t sure what it was I was seeking. I just knew I had to change. I wanted to go into the opposite direction and start looking for something that I didn’t know what it was.

Seeing through dark clouds

21/03/2018

She didn’t care what other people would think about it, this was her life and her decisions. No one else can live her life, experience her moments each day. No one but her.

She didn’t understand why this made her feel so good despite battling through a dark phase together. Perhaps she was capable of seeing through the dark clouds and her mind knew that her heart was telling the truth. She just needed to trust the process. She just needed a little more patience to get to experience the bright days as well. Even in this darkness the sun would still break through for moments, some of them were quite long, blissful moments.

These were all that mattered.

She didn’t understand why he was afraid to believe that her feelings were real. Maybe he’s been carrying too much pain inside for too long. Maybe too much disappointment and he might be a little scared of losing it all again. She didn’t need to understand any of this.

She didn’t care how irrational this seemed from the outside. It made her happy somehow. It made her feel that this is a man worthy of her time. Someone she can trust, someone she can care for and be cared for. The simple things, the little things.

These were all that mattered.

She didn’t want to convince anyone, not even herself. If there are some things that can’t be understood but her gut feeling says it is a good thing for her then just let it be. Perhaps she will understand it all one day.

She decided to enjoy it all. Every little moment of it. This was her life, her moments. No one else can feel what she feels each day. No one but her.

Understanding this is what truly matters.

Double jointed circle

29/05/2018

Upside down
Round and round

The circle keeps rolling back to its starting point but now the shape looks different to me. It’s no longer a circle. It resembles more of an 8 shape. Double jointed circle bent in the middle into infinity. Cliché? Perhaps. Yet it doesn’t faze me.

Keep going, keep going, round and round, upside down.
Same thing. New perception.

Sexual art

26/01/2018

It was not a game we played, yet I feel like I lost

When we rolled the dice
We realised
What we wanted the most
Was what we have lost
The effect came afterwards of course
We didn’t think it through, I suppose
But it’s too late now to undo this
As my lips shiver for just one more kiss
How I imagine your fingers dig into my neck
There’s no way we can ever go back

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

A whiff of your scent sets fire to my nerves
And the desire to feel your body on me burns
It burns through my rational thoughts and judgement
You breath in, I breathe out, no need for adjustment
Time eventually ceases
Our connection increases
I exhale the sweet sounds of joy
You watch me elevate and shake, enjoy!

The frequency of your voice
Sends me into a shock
My body vibrates
Blood pressure on high rates
Muscles tighten up
Your palm becomes a cup
Holding body parts
It’s sexual art

Just when I think I can’t take it anymore
You pull me closer into you, encore
But the best part is not the multiple joy
Not even the fact that I completely lost control
But it’s the truth that we united and became one
Without you in my life I’m absolutely undone.

Still shedding

03/12/2018

How do we realise that we’re going through a changing process? When does it switch on in our mind that this is it, something going on right now? Until this moment, I never managed to grab onto the process and consciously enjoy the ride. I only noticed the changes within me after they took place and settled. But right now, I’m fully aware of the fact that something deep within me is turning. Like an ancient wooden wheel being steered into a different angle. It’s not a smooth movement. It’s making a crackling sound, gets stiff every now and then and it needs a harder push to change its position.

I believe in something, I speak it as my truth, yet I have an internal battle when it comes to action time. I’m shedding my old skin, the very same skin I firmly believed I shed already. Yet it’s still stuck on me. Ripping it off bit by bit is a painful process but it needs to be done. What’s emerging underneath is still unknown to me. Endless number of questions are swirling inside my head, around my soul and within my heart. How do I bring them into one clear focus point? I’m not sure. I just have to trust the process. To know, deep within, that the answers will arrive I’m ready, when I need them. Until then I let go of doubts and fear. I go straight through this terrifying experience and embrace the uncertainty. I feel that I started walking my true path even though I don’t see the road yet.

That’s all

31/07/2018

I’m not mad at you
I don’t feel anger nor any hurt
My soul just seeks answers
It wants to see the truth and nothing else,
That’s all.

I am not mad at any of you
Your actions are not my path
They purely belong to you,
Nobody else. I just keep ‘the one’ eye to see reality,
That’s all.

I am not mad at myself either
Every event is another lesson
Learning is a beautiful journey
It goes deeper each time to bring more light,
That’s all.

I am not mad at the world either
This is not a poem nor modern art
There are no structured rhymes here
Don’t let the shape of this fool you; it’s a reality illusion.

That’s all.

Hidden symmetry

Hidden symmetry
Deep rooted hidden geometrical patterns can emerge from our daily events. Even for the trained eye it’s challenging to notice them. But once you catch a glimpse of it then magnificent truths can unfold.

Truths that were in front of us all along, yet we managed to keep our sight blind. What decides the timing of discovery? What process takes place within us that switches the latch to the ready position? Is it even an internal process? Or does something external rips off the blindfold from our forehead? Maybe the answers are not so clear. They are slightly morphed into each other creating a foggy environment. Mind-cloud. Add some emotions to the mix s well to find yourself at the gates of eternal questioning. Philosophical debates with yourself with no winning argument. It’s a forever-draw inside the mind-cloud.

How did we end up here? Let me recap.

Blindfold ripped off, searching for the how, feeling our way through emotions. Gates.

Should we want to take a sudden spin and start walking back away from here, we then realise that the path has vanished. No other options, must open the gates. One step at a time, one step at a time.

Wavelengths

Being on the same wavelength: such a descriptive expression. We only truly understand its meaning once we go through that experience. Feeling our way through that experience. Your rational mind falls deep into a shutdown to give space to the waves. Multiple waves floating individually at a slow pace, gently making their path of movement closer to each other into a complete alignment. Taking up the same shape and creating a peaceful pulsing so powerful that it melts time. Doesn’t just simply stop it, as when you stop something, it comes with a forced action. Whereas ‘melting it away’ is a continuous process. A steady change in the rhythm. A moment of expansion.
We know that cause and effect is inevitable even though we do not understand the effect yet however we are certain that there are or there will be consequences. Conquering that fear of consequences is a major step into our true selves. Our own individual selves. Every time we take another step, another alignment within us, we create more waves. These newly formed waves start pulsing together in complete harmony, strengthening the older, pre-existing waves. Building, expanding, learning and creating. And when we take a look at this process in a linear way, we will see that eventually the mutually created waves will outnumber the individual ones. Oneness without clichés and without forced actions.