In a leap year, I leapt into my destiny. Out of everything, I chose to jump right into that one.
It started at the very beginning of that year. I rolled into 2020 with a deep trance-like state. As champagne glasses were jingling together at midnight in other homes in Barcelona, I was lying on my back in my bed alone. Physically at least.
Exactly one year before that night, I was debating inside my soul where to allow life to take me next. I had just returned from Sri Lanka after saying goodbye to my accelerator island, Malta. My home for 4 years. On that night, sitting on my sister’s oversized sofa, I pondered. Why do I feel this unanswered question trying to carve a way out of my whole being? Sitting inside this German small town flat, I looked at my sister and her fiance. Doozy eyes were glancing back at me, not truly understanding that feeling that decided to take over my facial expressions. I’m sure they knew that something ‘strange’ was going on with me. I just simply couldn’t express it properly. Not to them, not even to myself.
The feelings of self-discovery and purpose-hunting (yes, this is an actual feeling) took over my soul entirely. I had to go somewhere, be somewhere, flow somewhere. And leave something behind.
Shedding my skin wasn’t a new process to me. I already had so many layers of old patterns, misbeliefs, bad conditions ripped away from my mind, soul and body. You can’t count them on one hand. Infinity shedding? Is that what this life is really about? Let’s not go down that other carving question for now. Let’s keep this story about leaping into destiny.
I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes in my bed on the last night of 2019 in that buzzing Spanish city. I wanted to hear my higher-self whisper ‘happy new year’ to me that day. I swooshed into a deep meditative state as I let my muscles relax from my little toe to the top of my always-wondering head. Somehow I knew, that moment there would be one of the catalysts to my spiritual expansion within the emotional field.
Emotions have been my stumbling blocks for quite some time actually. I had this ongoing lesson about feeling my way through things until I finally started to get it. To get softer. To become the light in between the hidden cliffs. To become the nurturing character in all areas of my life, not just in business. That meant shedding my old skin of the ‘strong woman’. Oh, the painful ripping of that layer of old patterns. There was no longer this masculine lady who would burst out in an angry monologue about what women should really do and how it had been so overdue to rise up, speak up, act up. What was beneath that old skin, was this caring woman who wanted to share her energy with another soul whom she knew for centuries. So as I closed my eyes to start meditating myself into 2020, I felt this eruption of acceptance and joy spreading through my cells.
I was ready to step into the gates of my destiny. I was given a choice to leap or flow slowly. I didn’t hesitate. With a sharp turn, I walked away from flowing. I wanted the speed, the thrill, the explosion of experiences. And I wanted them to circle around two aspects of my life: career and relationships. I got more than what I expected for both. Life led me down a path that was ending at the door of destiny for both of these. I was already past the gates, now it was the doors that I had to bust through. With a heartful kick, I first kicked down the career door. I finally felt the courage to start my own business instead of waiting around to feel ready. Fire came back into my soul as soon as I gave my attention and love to mind my own business. I brought myself to the forefront. The raw and real self that had been carving those questions in my whole being for years. But what happened next was not what I expected at all.
I imagined my career would magically transform and I’d become a spiritual entrepreneur overnight. My days would be mainly filled with business activities and smashing it out there. Instead, I ended up saying yes to a random road trip with my friends in mid-February. Honestly, how could I have known that that road was also leading me to my destiny? All I wanted was a quick break from spending 10+ hours on my laptop trying to change the world. And then it happened. It was another level of manifesting. The second I heard his voice, something shook in me. A buried part of my soul just got abruptly woken up and started screaming at me: it’s him! There he is! I shushed that voice. No, not now, I’m only here to take a break. I wasn’t looking for this. Maybe not consciously but a deep part of my heart knew that my manifestation was just about to burst open in front of my eyes in this tiny seaside town on the east coast of Spain.
How could I have known that the next morning I would wake up in the arms of this soul-feeder? Nevertheless, I did. I woke up next to him and today, 2 years later, I’m grateful that I chose the leap route. So whatever gates you stand in front of, know this: it’s worth to leap.