Time was not supposed to go this way Behind the veil you know that it’s astray Those countless times, could you really ever count them? Twice the pleasure but how many times the truth: 8-9 or 10? When you grasp the reality that comes with an expiration date And no matter how much you fight it, you can’t escape your fate
This might feel a bit too dark so maybe I should stop
Stop showing you that you need to embrace the darkness Because without it you can never see the brightness Shining through the black background. That’s how you see the light. Light up my face When you embrace Your hidden parts Are divisions of art. Articulate your desires in life It just might Bring it to surface And you can surf through this.
This whole experience called life Will show you what you’re really about.
So how did we end up here analysing our actions? Starting to feel so deep about the consequences of life’s fractions Maybe we are just too out of this world to explain our feelings And restricted by words to tell everyone the real meaning. I don’t mean to annoy you with my thoughts And there are so many of us Feeling the same way When we say mayday.
Where is the rescue to save us from our visions? To keep us grounded in our ambitious missions?
Time was not supposed to go this way Behind the veil you know that it’s astray We are impatient because we feel the change knocking on our doors And we’re not sure who will fight with us during these upcoming wars.
The circle keeps rolling back to its starting point but now the shape looks different to me. It’s no longer a circle. It resembles more of an 8 shape. Double jointed circle bent in the middle into infinity. Cliché? Perhaps. Yet it doesn’t faze me.
Keep going, keep going, round and round, upside down.
Same thing. New perception.
Deep rooted hidden geometrical patterns can emerge from our daily events. Even for the trained eye it’s challenging to notice them. But once you catch a glimpse of it then magnificent truths can unfold.
Truths that were in front of us all along, yet we managed to keep our sight blind. What decides the timing of discovery? What process takes place within us that switches the latch to the ready position? Is it even an internal process? Or does something external rips off the blindfold from our forehead? Maybe the answers are not so clear. They are slightly morphed into each other creating a foggy environment. Mind-cloud. Add some emotions to the mix s well to find yourself at the gates of eternal questioning. Philosophical debates with yourself with no winning argument. It’s a forever-draw inside the mind-cloud.
How did we end up here? Let me recap.
Blindfold ripped off, searching for the how, feeling our way through emotions. Gates.
Should we want to take a sudden spin and start walking back away from here, we then realise that the path has vanished. No other options, must open the gates. One step at a time, one step at a time.
Being on the same wavelength: such a descriptive expression. We only truly understand its meaning once we go through that experience. Feeling our way through that experience. Your rational mind falls deep into a shutdown to give space to the waves. Multiple waves floating individually at a slow pace, gently making their path of movement closer to each other into a complete alignment. Taking up the same shape and creating a peaceful pulsing so powerful that it melts time. Doesn’t just simply stop it, as when you stop something, it comes with a forced action. Whereas ‘melting it away’ is a continuous process. A steady change in the rhythm. A moment of expansion.
We know that cause and effect is inevitable even though we do not understand the effect yet however we are certain that there are or there will be consequences. Conquering that fear of consequences is a major step into our true selves. Our own individual selves. Every time we take another step, another alignment within us, we create more waves. These newly formed waves start pulsing together in complete harmony, strengthening the older, pre-existing waves. Building, expanding, learning and creating. And when we take a look at this process in a linear way, we will see that eventually the mutually created waves will outnumber the individual ones. Oneness without clichés and without forced actions.
The truth hurts. We heard this phrase so many times but did we really pay attention to it? Why does the truth hurt? Why does it have to hurt? If we could live in a way when we are not pretending, not wearing masks, would the truth still hurt?
This is not a modern day expression so that brings me to a conclusion that the truth has always been hidden somehow. Shielded from the masses, buried deep within luminescent caves inside us. Yes, inside us. You read that right. When something hurts it’s because we associate it with ourselves. We take it personal. All we can think of is “that’s not fair” or “that’s not right” or “why me”. Oh, if I hear one more person crying out loud one more time “why me” I seriously need to resists laughing out loud and not hurt their feelings.
It took me a lot of effort and countless of self-analysis sessions to realise this: being untruthful makes me sick, not just to my stomach (that’s another expression I could analyse for hours) but to my whole being. I cannot pretend, I cannot play along, I just simply cannot act that it’s ok to accept illusions. Somehow my eyes opened and what I see sends me into a ‘question everything’ state. 80 – 90% of what surrounds me is pure bullshit. Excuse my language, but I’ve had enough.
I want to see people for who they are. Not who they portray to be. I want to be able to show my own real face to the world more often. This truth, that burns within us will erupt eventually one by one. And then how much of it will hurt for those who live in a fake reality? Who knows… but I’m certain that I can’t keep smiling at the face of illusion anymore.
Encrypted messages are running through my mind. The more I decipher them the deeper into the darkness I go. With each sentence I’m pulling myself further down. I wonder how can the majority of people be so oblivious to their lives? How can they simply smile and not question their fulfilment? Most likely I’m the one who will get stamped with the ‘strange’ title.
Why am I seeking a meaning, a purpose and why am I breaking my brain cells trying to analyse what the hell I’m supposed to learn? Yes, I accepted that life gives me exactly what I need, yet I can’t comprehend to make it fit into the chain of events that’s called my life. Using some rationale thinking I know that the epiphany of understanding is always delayed. But this is when I break my brain a bit. I do know that time as we know it is an illusion. It’s not linear. So if it’s not linear then how can I be certain that the understanding is ‘delayed’? Delayed means that something happens at a later time. If there is no linearity then how can something be delayed? This paradox gives me a headache.
I’m fighting an ambivalent battle within me: science versus spirituality. These two must collide and eventually align. So many heavy truths came out of both fields. I simply don’t believe that they were meant to be looked at from two separate angles. There must be a degree where they sit together, pointing to an even bigger truth. And that truth somehow lies within me, I just can’t figure it out yet.
Every time I ponder what my greater purpose is in this life, I somehow end up here. Trying to mix science with spiritual thinking. Science is logical, factual, it gives some sort of structure. It’s black and white. Spirituality gives it some life. Some colours. It colours in the facts.
An even greater headache kicks in and I even end up struggling from dizziness. I’m starting to feel frustrated as I can’t bring this knowledge to surface.
I started my day telling myself that today I will remember who I am. I know who I am and who I was. I will remember what I truly want. All day I was full of energy, I managed to get done what I usually would in 2-3 days (work-wise). Then at the end of my working day I felt a little mentally drained but I was still buzzing. Feeling calm and content. When I came home, I poured myself a glass of wine to enjoy it in my little garden while writing about my future, finalising my life goals. That’s when it hit me. Hard.
A roller-coaster of emotions. As I was forming each letter with my pen, I started remembering feelings. Excitement, disappointment, pain, hope, gratitude, extreme joyous happiness. Empathy for everything. Calmness. I grabbed another notebook to write about this intense experience. But how do I express such magnificent emotions? I simply can’t shove them into words and sentences.
It feels like if a tall building has just collapsed and the pieces have fallen into their “right” place. They created a brand new building that is so ancient at the same time, I’ve been looking at it for centuries. I lived inside this building, I just haven’t recognised it until now. From the deepest parts of my heart, I wish you dear reader to find your old-new building as well. The fact that you are reading this is already evidence that you are on the right path to discover it.
Throw away all the directions you’ve been given by others. No one else can lead you to this place. With that said, remain faithful. Have faith in yourself, your instincts, that feeling in your gut. Don’t chase it though. It will chase you instead when you’re ready and truly want it. I am now holding the key to the front door, so I say let’s step inside, shall we?