The truth hurts. We heard this phrase so many times but did we really pay attention to it? Why does the truth hurt? Why does it have to hurt? If we could live in a way when we are not pretending, not wearing masks, would the truth still hurt?
This is not a modern day expression so that brings me to a conclusion that the truth has always been hidden somehow. Shielded from the masses, buried deep within luminescent caves inside us. Yes, inside us. You read that right. When something hurts it’s because we associate it with ourselves. We take it personal. All we can think of is “that’s not fair” or “that’s not right” or “why me”. Oh, if I hear one more person crying out loud one more time “why me” I seriously need to resists laughing out loud and not hurt their feelings.
It took me a lot of effort and countless of self-analysis sessions to realise this: being untruthful makes me sick, not just to my stomach (that’s another expression I could analyse for hours) but to my whole being. I cannot pretend, I cannot play along, I just simply cannot act that it’s ok to accept illusions. Somehow my eyes opened and what I see sends me into a ‘question everything’ state. 80 – 90% of what surrounds me is pure bullshit. Excuse my language, but I’ve had enough.
I want to see people for who they are. Not who they portray to be. I want to be able to show my own real face to the world more often. This truth, that burns within us will erupt eventually one by one. And then how much of it will hurt for those who live in a fake reality? Who knows… but I’m certain that I can’t keep smiling at the face of illusion anymore.
Instead of a long inspirational message to women this year, I’m speaking to men on International Women’s Day. Why? Because so many women have already woken up my friends and they’re doing their thing: being outspoken, achieving their goals and dealing with everyday sexism without whinging. Simply we’re getting on with what we want and dusting off our shoulders after facing challenges. Keep on going ladies!
I’m grateful to those of you who treat a person as another human being despite their gender. Those of you who are not afraid to speak up when sexism takes place. Those of you who raise your daughters making sure she can become whoever she wants to be, encouraging her to get her full potential. Those of you who stand by your sisters and mothers to get their voices heard. Those men who are capable of adapting to change and realise that for a very long time women were repressed. They have started to rise only 100 years ago. That’s not a very long time considering that we’re writing 2018…I’m thankful that there is a change taking place and I can live in an era to be part of it. As this change is still ongoing and even though we have come a long way there’s still plenty of space for improvement.
Complete equality means to me, personally, that we all get to play this game, called life, with the same opportunities no matter what your gender is. No anger towards each other but instead why not collaborate and lift each other up? Who cares what was the ‘norm’ for men and for women?
I say, every living person should have the freedom to do what they want. Doesn’t matter what that is and whether you’re a woman or a man. We need to have the freedom of choice to decide how we want to live our lives. Excuse my language but fuck gender associated ‘norms’! Go get out there and do your best based on what YOU want. And that’s that.
I simply love that feeling when I know I inspired someone. It’s been like this for a few years now but never really decided to dig deep and find out the reason why I enjoy this. I’m in a phase right now when I question everything. I believe that this is a good state to be to learn and develop. Understanding not only our actions but our emotional reactions is key to become a slightly bit better than who we were yesterday. So here I am, digging.
What is that trigger buried deep within my soul that makes me want to see other people smile, to charge up, to be full of life? Why does it make me feel like that I’m full of energy when I achieve to have someone else buzz like how I usually do? I want to see people taking on their everyday life like how the character Tigger does. It’s a strange comparison, I know, but for some reason that’s the character I resonate with the most. Bouncing around with joy and excitement for life.
Enjoying the smallest things and being able to fully appreciate the so-called common things in life.
Yes, I can be completely amazed by the sight of a clear starry sky or seeing someone sing to themselves at the airport while we are being delayed. Seeing a puppy jumping around their owner with unconditional love. An old couple being silent next to each other with wrinkles of happiness across their faces. Getting a cup of coffee served with a genuine smile. Seeing a line of trees along the main road. Admiring the curved up trunk of a tree growing out of concrete. The setting Sun colouring in the playful clouds in orange.
These little things that we walk past every day… This is what makes life a wonderful experience. And most of these things happen naturally. We just don’t always notice them.
I’m not needed to help the tree make its way out of concrete. I didn’t cause that orange shade on the clouds. But! I could contribute towards the wrinkles on someone else’s face. To make sure that they are happy wrinkles. If I can do that, if I have the power to do that, then I will. That’s what we have control over: to make this journey a joyful one.
Encrypted messages are running through my mind. The more I decipher them the deeper into the darkness I go. With each sentence I’m pulling myself further down. I wonder how can the majority of people be so oblivious to their lives? How can they simply smile and not question their fulfilment? Most likely I’m the one who will get stamped with the ‘strange’ title.
Why am I seeking a meaning, a purpose and why am I breaking my brain cells trying to analyse what the hell I’m supposed to learn? Yes, I accepted that life gives me exactly what I need, yet I can’t comprehend to make it fit into the chain of events that’s called my life. Using some rationale thinking I know that the epiphany of understanding is always delayed. But this is when I break my brain a bit. I do know that time as we know it is an illusion. It’s not linear. So if it’s not linear then how can I be certain that the understanding is ‘delayed’? Delayed means that something happens at a later time. If there is no linearity then how can something be delayed? This paradox gives me a headache.
I’m fighting an ambivalent battle within me: science versus spirituality. These two must collide and eventually align. So many heavy truths came out of both fields. I simply don’t believe that they were meant to be looked at from two separate angles. There must be a degree where they sit together, pointing to an even bigger truth. And that truth somehow lies within me, I just can’t figure it out yet.
Every time I ponder what my greater purpose is in this life, I somehow end up here. Trying to mix science with spiritual thinking. Science is logical, factual, it gives some sort of structure. It’s black and white. Spirituality gives it some life. Some colours. It colours in the facts.
An even greater headache kicks in and I even end up struggling from dizziness. I’m starting to feel frustrated as I can’t bring this knowledge to surface.
While it is great seeing that I have connections with generous people whom are posting about the donations they are making towards charities during this period, it makes me wonder: why is it that we need a reason like Christmas to do this? And before you call me hypocrite, yes I am just as guilty as they are. It was only this morning that I transferred some money to a bank account of a charity supporting people with mental health issues. It makes me question myself as well: why don’t I have this urge to give back in May? In August? I could now stand up for myself and say that actually I do, which is true, however I have to admit that I am definitely more generous this time of the year. I wish we could somehow drag this attitude out to last 12 months rather than 2 weeks per year.
So for those of us who plan our goals for the following year: how about using this inspiration we feel right now to reflect in our next year’s plans? How about making a conscious decision that instead of the peak of our giving-back in December to be spread over 12 months? Maybe it won’t make a huge difference…at first. But! If at least some of us will start this new habit, eventually others will follow as we have the power to influence by showing an example.
So I start. I hereby publicly declare that from 2018 onwards I will be paying more attention to helping out the ones in need. It doesn’t matter how we do it: either by paying for someone else’s meal, donating our time to a charity, helping out someone with a challenge, telling someone how wonderful they really are, getting behind a volunteer organisation’s objective or simply letting someone jump the queue because they can’t miss their flight. Whatever it is, if it will make another person smile for a while then it is worth it.
My personal goal for 2018 is simply to bring more smiles into this world. Because it will just make it a better place to live in for all of us 🙂
If you agree with this then I encourage you to spread the message. And I don’t mean just by sharing this. Yes that would help getting this out to as many of us as possible so I will be grateful if you do it, but I also encourage you to at least try to adapt a similar attitude that suits YOUR life. #timeforchange
Written on 30/11/17
The words are stuck again. It’s been a while since they erupted from me and it’s because I pushed away this side of me. When I start questioning and letting my thoughts to wonder, I heal myself by writing.
I feel chaos. I feel destruction. I feel the darkness but this time it’s not creeping up to me. I don’t let it. And because I don’t let it, the words get stuck. How ironic. When I let myself go deep down into the darkness, I can express myself a whole lot better. I can’t even find an adjective to this but simply using everyday words that are so un-descriptive.
What have I become? What do I want? Who am I? If I don’t know then how should I realise if I’m not on the right track? When I set my mind on something, I achieve it. I’m a getter. But when I don’t know what it is that I want to get it becomes tricky.
Should I just enjoy the natural flow of life or should I set my vision and clear up the image that is a big grey blur right now?