Tag Archives: self awareness

Seven weeks

I felt so proud of myself as I stood my ground and said the words out loud. 

If only you knew my heart was beating in my throat. 

If only I knew, I would immediately doubt my decision. Back and forth, back and forth, the thoughts are running a weird race in my mind. They try to penetrate my heart, but little do they know that I have mastered building instant walls. Protect when disappointment attacks.  

I heard your voice tremble at the other end of the phone when you gave it your best shot to change my mind. But what you didn’t hear was my heart shattering when I read your “please don’t be mad at me” line 3 hours earlier. It’s bizarre how everything can change so fast. 

How in just seven short weeks, you made me go from enjoying my careless freedom to sharing my most vulnerable thoughts with you first.

How in just seven short weeks, you went from being a notification on my phone to the person all my friends were rooting for. 

How in just seven short weeks we fucked it all up.

flames and fire

Soul on fire

Something in my soul caught on fire. And it’s burning down all the dusty corners, destroying walls that were never supposed to collapse. 

Brick after brick, they are falling into the void of forgotten beliefs, hitting hard the floor of my most hidden parts. Every whoosh, every slam, every clank makes my heart beat differently. Not faster, not slower. Differently, yet it feels strangely familiar. Where do I know this beat from? The way these bricks break in half when they crumble to the depth of my soul is familiar yet all so new at the same time. How can something this new bring me memories I am not able to recall? 

Are they my future memories? Are they illusions dressed up in hope and faith? Or could they simply be the parts of me that wanted to feel liberated for so long?

My soul is on fire. But I’m not panicking. Rather, I feel amused. And a tiny bit annoyed. I was expecting my soul to be grieving for a little longer than this. How is it possible to have these vivid colours painting a new masterpiece inside my gallery of fine art already? I just put up the “under construction” sign and now I’m making space for a new exhibitor? The bricks are falling. The sound of crumbling is getting louder. 

Even though it’s terrifying, I’m not running to safety. I step right into the flame and look at this new-familiar thing in the eye. Show me what you’ve got! Show me what I’ve been running away from for so long. The bricks are falling. The sound of crumbling wants me to take cover in the safest corner of my soul. But everything’s on fire. I can’t hide. I can’t run. I can’t beat this with a logical plan. 

I get paralysed as I watch my old patterns burst into flames. I taste the saltiness of my tears as they roll down to my smiling lips. I let out the deepest exhale, which cracks something in my neck that sends a release into my shoulders. 

These bricks were too heavy. Too hard. Too useless.

My soul is on fire. And finally, I can breathe again. 

road to Zion closed symbolic image for social injustice

Trigger of ignorance

On the road to Zion, the sirens are filling up our streets. 
Inside our walls we are disconnected, searching for retreats. 
Hiding our real beliefs behind screens and ring lights, 
Slowly waving goodbye to our human rights.
While our fights are going nowhere

Loud voices but where’s the action? 
Big statements but no progression. 
The anger inside us ignites within 2 seconds 
Yet we don’t grasp the reality of modern weapons
Our attention after 2 seconds, you know it’s where.

Shots are fired deep into the core of your mind 
And your only reaction is: “I’m all right”
Get up, stand up, look at yourself!
Look at me, holding the gun to my head. 
The trigger of ignorance blows my brain where? 

I want kindness to splatter all over you when I shoot, 
I want empathy dripping off of your new jacket. How cute. 
I want compassion to drench your freshly cut hair,
I want unconditional love to stain your designer chair. 
I just don’t know about freedom. It’s going where?

This is no longer black and white. 
This is no longer left and right.
This is a page in a history book
We can edit it now or we’re cooked.
The nowhere is now here.

Lightworkers symbolised as a lighthouse in the dark night (of the soul)

We all play with light

I’m trying to decide whether to go with a deep, philosophical angle here or pure emotions. My intuition whispers to me softly to choose feelings right now. Those little fractions of our souls, that spark up our days. Or dim them.

“Dim them” – as this rolls off my lips, it has that low frequency feeling to it. Especially when you say it slowly. Dim. Them. Kind of like those sound effects in movies when something drastically is about to happen.

OK, so this is why my intuition gently shoved me towards emotions. To start deeply feeling my words. When you’re a communicator and words are your ammunition, you have a major responsibility to carry. How you put things into perspective can create a spark or a dimming motion.

When you form sentences, you are playing with light. The choice is always there to use language for darkening or lightening up your surroundings. Language is a pulsating burst of energy. It can heal or destroy. And the impact of that energy relies on a 2-fold system:

  1. how the speaker decides to use it
  2. how the listener decides to intercept it

But let’s roll back to emotions for a second before my philosophical mind completely takes over.

Words can make you feel things on levels that you didn’t even know existed. You don’t understand why you feel suddenly so energised and joyous when someone tells you how much they appreciate your efforts. You also wonder when the heavy emotions start swirling around in you when you hear the disappointment in your loved one’s voice.

This is why it’s important to choose your words carefully. Not only do they have an emotional impact on others around you but they also influence how you feel after they swoosh out of your mouth.

Remember, you are playing with light when you think, speak and write. What will you choose to become next time? The lighthouse or the darkness that surrounds it?


Are you also a lightworker ready to make a positive impact?

You’re not alone. There are many of us out there following our internal calling to help humanity evolve and to make our world a better place. Join this revolution and turn your calling into a fulfilling career.