I felt so proud of myself as I stood my ground and said the words out loud. 

If only you knew my heart was beating in my throat. 

If only I knew, I would immediately doubt my decision. Back and forth, back and forth, the thoughts are running a weird race in my mind. They try to penetrate my heart, but little do they know that I have mastered building instant walls. Protect when disappointment attacks.  

I heard your voice tremble at the other end of the phone when you gave it your best shot to change my mind. But what you didn’t hear was my heart shattering when I read your “please don’t be mad at me” line 3 hours earlier. It’s bizarre how everything can change so fast. 

How in just seven short weeks, you made me go from enjoying my careless freedom to sharing my most vulnerable thoughts with you first.

How in just seven short weeks, you went from being a notification on my phone to the person all my friends were rooting for. 

How in just seven short weeks we fucked it all up.